and so it is, again, that i update this deposition which no one possibily reads. but anyways, i shall still go ahead with my entry today as planned!
I decided to blog today based on a few impending issues! first of all. SCHOOL'S A MAJOR BITCH. i've started getting various feelings of disappointment with my school life. Maybe its because it conflicts with my social life and perhaps it just gets boring due to the PLAIN fact that i'm in Banking and it coincidentally happens to be full of nerds , to which i am certainly not a part of. Another reason is that syllabus is getting tougher as expected. And the last reason? Below:
Well you see, Mrs Penny Thong, my lovely tutor and Module Leader/Lecturer has been sick for the past 3 weeks? And this equates me missing classes/lessons for this period. Isn't that really sad, because i'm kinda losing my motivation. Besides, 3 SETS OF TUTORIALS sounds like quite a lot of things to go through. :S
OKAY! So i had Flash Animation for my IS today, and we had to search for images to import and i found this perfectly beautiful architectural grandfather clock which is made of glass. :D Now isn't that just beautiful!!
Okay. Lastly, to end off my meaningless post, i've got a poem. I wrote this quite a while ago, and published it on my blog. But here it is, 6 lines. 2 of which i just added to the original 4!
Dig deep, think ahead, ponder more:
Under those lies, under that face. A dark daze, without a place. Those lies, those words, are all a maze Maybe i'm just one of your slaves. Precedence, it brought a craze,
i bet you haven't missed me a slightest bit! anyways, i'm here today to just do a short update. with nothing, no pictures, no songs, no updates in music.
i've got my IS presentation tomorrow, and its getting on my nerves. i'm trying to consolidate everything, with the help of Baoying and Sebastian! :D With exams around the corner, and projects due. I'm really gearing up to a hectic schedule. :S
Anyways, earlier on in the day, i did 2 duties. One at Christchurch Secondary School, one at Jurong Secondary School. :) i'm very happy that i'm really doing my part as an ambassador to market the school! haha. okays.... never minds.
if you haven't noticed, i've changed my blog picture. Did a collage of a few pictures i really like. And thats what i came up with. Gosh, i'm so out of touch with editing and photography as of late. :( i so need to get inspired and continue shooting! RAHRS!
Haven't you wondered if you were never cut out for the world? Ever wondered that the game is just not for you to play? That the world, full of deceit, is just way to complex and you don't wana get involved in it at all? Oh, i'm not talking about everyday life. I'm talking about choices, decisions that brighten your life, or make it more miserable in the process. I would really hope that such complexities disintegrate because really, now's a bad time. With so many opposing pieces of sadness occurring in America, you start wondering if EVERYTHING was a game to you. If what you believed in, was just a lie. Because people turn on their words. Its as if it meant nothing to them, AT ALL.
Well, just like everyone else, i'm living this life.
The days go by, and i really start worrying about myself. I've always got a skeleton in my mind, of my life. But recently, the foundation is crumbling into many a piece of fragmented rocks - concrete pieces of haphazard ideas. Obstacles that pose themselves as a challenge to my progress in life. After all, you make your bed, and you lay in it.
To say that i don't care about the journey that life lays before my very feet, is stupidity. Pretending not to see it is like walking right into a pit of snakes. But to ascertain it, and prevent something from going bad, is another. Much tougher to do, harder to resist. Are we willful? Or are we focused and contented. Are you content with what you have? Or do you really want more...
I came back this afternoon feeling really worn out. School's been sapping my energy bit by bit. This, together with all the unnecessary stress and my uber weak immune system, really aggravates an illness. Yeah, i'm falling sick. :(
I watched the sun set earlier on in the day. i wanted to capture an image of being so close to freedom, so close but yet so far. The road may seem tough, but do you really wana go out there, alone? Do tell me what you see in the above picture. :)
The picture above is obviously, NOT mine. I took it from flickr a few days ago. What i really liked about this is the subtleties and sheer simplicity. I like the reflection of the hearts on the cup. I like how the hearts aren't perfectly symmetrical. I like how the picture looks so warm and welcoming, but so cold and cautions you. I like the ironies that you can so relate to your own life, from this very picture. Bipolarities, are amazing....
My purpose of this post? To let some stuff out of my brain. To hope that things get better for the few people i referred to. In hope that you'll realize how important it is to stay focused, to prioritise correctly and accordingly, to think twice or thrice before doing something and to be sensitive.
Lessons that you don't learn everyday. Skills which you don't acquire overnight. Slow, but steadily. Time and tide waits for no man, but how if the man waits for time? What would you say.
School picks up its pace as projects and tutorials pile themselves to a level higher than my eyeballs. Whilst civilization seems so bleak, the hope that's in store for a break eases itself another step closer. :)
He has mentioned this: Lost for Feelings, Misled by Love, Cradled by Hope, Suicidal by Fantasy. Its simple, an incremental 4-phrase narrative that encapsulates the essence of the picture above. (taken from flickr) An apology for reasons undue, unknown, uncalled for. Unsurpassed, a quality held by he.
This road's really anything, but simple. As strings tie themselves to the bases of another, its complexities overload a simple mind. Pure, innocent, loving, happy, longing, waiting. This mind isn't powerful enough to withstand such a blow from the other. A wake up call, to upgrade its armour, select its tactic, rephrase his words, divulge differently.
Taking the high road, he mutters an anguished clutter of remorse. A pain, a heartache, a love that he was gonna push away - reasons clear to only himself. Timing was one, but walking away from a potential, is something else. That's the path, HE chose.
The road must get rough, before it gets smooth. Right?
there was a time i asked: "of what significance am i", to that special someone in my life. and now i ask my friends that very same question. seriously, of what significance am i to you guys. If i were to die tomorrow, how many of you would attend my funeral, how many of you will feel that you've lost someone? you know, as much as i wana exaggerate it, i can't say that there'll be many.
i dont want people to mourn me when i die. I don't wana be a cancer to the people who love me, but it shows that perhaps, i don't have that many concrete blocks in my life. But what can i do about them? perhaps nothing, because i have nothing. a plain person in a white tee and crumpled jeans. who never gets set apart from the ordinary. But of course, there are those that never realize how important we are to them. Are we to pretend that we're useless and utter blocks of wood with zerorized intelligence?
And its only until then, that that friendship is truly tested to its limits. Whether it would even survive, is highly unlikely. But why even try when you know that you'll not succeed? Why even put yourself in that situation to get hurt? why even make a decision that you so know you'll regret. why love when you know its wrong? why give it a shot when its bound to make you question your principles in life? why be so stupid? Why FUCKING HURT YOURSELF??
maybe, thats just the way we are. doing things, always, on impulse. and maybe, you just dont know me, and you just dont know yourself.
A façade, fictitious. An undignified understatement. A scandal, a scare. A hurl that hurt. It led many ways, that path did. A quick rise, a short fall too. It held many a reason to be wary. He’d been warned, umpteen times. Situations like these, they led only one way. One way, which led to another – death. Not of body, but of life. Its essence itself sapped up life in purpose. No one blames a dead fish, no one blames a baby.
“No one blamed you!”, he quirked. Indeed, the road it led only one way. It brought peace, it brought direction. We think it did, or you, per se. It brought temporary happiness, it brought joy for keep’s. It brought flee, it brought itself in chastise of a fee. In beating its only maker, it bit the hand that fed it.
As wonder brings about the takings from the table, it pointed to rote learning, rote behaviourial effects which incessantly comment on its neighbours’. He yelled “Lift Me Up” in hope for a save, but when it went down that path, the other, a road that never was taken. The slave it had become, a sad life they led. A showdown where both love and hate showed no mercy, no fences, no dilemmas, no uncertainties. Only One. The Road Has To Be Taken.
you know, there's a difference between LEAVING IT AT THE TABLE and BITING PIECES OF THE FOOD IN THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT. of course, never be afraid to flaunt it when its gone, but not when its ongoing. that's just like ridding the evidence in a crime scene! :D
and when the pieces all fall into place, maybe in the later years of your life, you might question yourself where you screwed up. and maybe that road would lead back to me. MAYBE, you were worried about your now. but you know what, it doesn't matter cuz you're rejoicing. My previous post wasn't directed to you, but BE MY GUEST, TAKE OFFENCE IF YOU FEEL AS GUILTY AS IT WAS FOR WHAT YOU'VE DONE...
Listening to "Fighter" by Christina Aguilera, i thought. yeah, i sure am more prepared. maybe being ALL BY MYSELF is just another stage that i've gotta go through. after all, you've fucked up my life enough, right? So you just had to fuck it up once more to remind me who fucks it all up. yeaps, thanks. very thoughtful of you. :)
you know, in church i learnt this. Those that curse, will be cursed. maybe i cursed, but not at you. SO................don't be a curse, and maybe you wouldn't be cursed. enjoy your life that you used to live. go ahead and prove to me how much better you could've been if you weren't in a relationship. i just keep wondering, what caused the change. and its just so sad because i wanted to spend it all, on you. even though i was the one who walked away in person, you can just walk away from me if you please. its your call.
let me start this post off by saying: "I'VE GOT A LOT OF THINGS TO SAY!" so its gonna be a long post, as usual. :D anyways, lets start with the light hearted issues before we break into the heavier topic that has been on my mind recently.
I had an outing with my three BFAS (aka. Best Friends At School) on Wednesday!!! Alright, these 3 are becoming my best friends already because they're just an awesome bunch! :D So here are some pictures from the day.
We had dinner at Mr. Curry, and this was what Sebastian and Si'En had! :D The food was scrumptious and we headed to the riverside after that, to listen to songs and take other.....weird....pictures!!!! Moving on!!!
Oh yes, i put the picture below for a reason. See, that helmet of mine is really nice. But we all know school is coming, and Ambassadors are gonna be having recruitments and whatnot's, so i've decided that i'm gonna have a makeover done for my hair! :D Good or bad, you better like it! You'll all get to see it soon!!!
NEXT TOPIC! Gossip Girl's next episode is gonna get really juicy! i really cannot wait for it! WHY?! Georgina Sparks FINALLLLLYYYYYY comes back! In the production still below with Ed Westwick shows us the very talented actress, Michelle Trachtenberg! I know, i can't wait for the 20th of April! :D
AND.... American Idol Season 8 is really getting boring. Don't you think so? Someone once told you that this season would have talents. I guess i was right. However, i have NO idea why the talents didn't make it. ITS RIDICULOUS. Frankie Jordan, Alexis Grace, Joanna Pacitti, Megan Joy. How many talented girls are there in there now? Like Simon said on last night's show, Allison really is the girl's last hope unless Lil' can pull of a powerful R&B Mary J Blige-like song.
if you haven't known, the save was used this week, which means..... yeah. 2 people get eliminated next week. please let it be Anoop because he's so arrogant. obnoxiously conceited idiot. Below is the picture of the 7 finalists at the premiere of 17 Again.
AHHH. America's Next Top Model Cycle 12. Here's another cause for complain. WTH IS WRONG WITH TYRA?!?!? As some of you know, London was one of my favourites because of how amicable she is. But of course, she had to get sent home instead of Aminat. Yes, i did like Aminat but she became so fucking rude in the course of the show! Absurd really. And then there's the weight issue.
THINK:Doesn't plus size conjure up "FAT" in your mind? Yeah. so if they say we're trying to accept plus sized models, i start thinking "IT'S OKAY TO BE BIGGER/FAT AND WE'RE TRYING TO CHANGE HOW EVERYONE THINKS". And then we have the judges ultimately eliminating London because of her size. I DO NOT CARE IF SHE'S PUT ON WEIGHT. it can be lost, and if you're so picky, DON'T HAVE PLUS SIZED MODELS ANYMORE! simple right?
and then i pose another question. Tyra's fat. SO? does it mean that she doesn't look presentable? Do you need to be SKINNY to look presentable on a cover? NO. If a girl like Gisele Bundchen is FAT, would you still hire her? OF COURSE RIGHT? why? because its not SIZE, but TALENT. there. talk about ironies and how we wana change the world..... pathetic.
Anyways, i got so caught up in typing that 3 paragraphs above that i forgot to introduce her Allison stepped up her game in this episode! MY BEAUTIFUL DOLL LOOKS FIERRRCCEEEEEEEE! :D muahaha. i really hope to see more from her because she's SO exquisite!
Above is the High School Musical start Ashley Tisdale. And that's her single-album-art for her song: "It's Alright, It's Okay". the song talks about the emotions that occurs after a break-up. But its very applicable in many situations anyways, so i think you should really give it a listen. I am really proud of Ashley because considering she's an artist that rose from Disney, i just KNOW she's gonna do really well from hereon in. So yeah!! :D
this is where my reflection starts:
I was lying in bed last night, lights off. And then the lyrics of the song above, kept running through my mind. You can already guess where this is going. Yes, i'm gonna emphasize on treasuring those you love. i made up my mind about a few things last night. It's really alright that you don't treasure that bond. Its really okay that you're not bothered by it. Myopic, nonchalant, whatsoever, i don't care anymore. So perhaps this is a change in attitude from me.
I used to think that you should ALWAYS be there for someone in case the person turns back and realized what an oversight he/she has made. but what are the chances? how many people are non-egoistic enough to say "i messed up, please help me"? And then there are those who you know are there. But are they REALLY there? or is it just a mirage? a facade that misleads you to put your trust in them? You really don't know until you've been hurt, right?
And then there are those who tend to be so caring, and ever so loving. To what extent are they really true, you may ask. Are they real, genuine in their actions and good deeds? What's in it for them? After all, people do things for purposes right? So what's their motive and outcome? you know, life's really a bitch. you give too much, its wrong. doing too little is wrong too. i'm sorry, but this is the fucked up world we live in. and you just gotta go about life trying to be your best.
and so, you might ask me what's my purpose for blogging about this? And this is my reply: It's never too late to make a change. but that doesn't mean you can take your own time to make amends.
so today's post might not make ANY sense. NULL. seriously. so consider it a rant, a deposit of my fragmented mind. so let's begin:
take a look around. do you have people close to you? perhaps. do you have people supporting you morally? definitely. do you know if they will share their roof with you if you're reduced? probably not. do you know their motives? definitely not.
i know this sounds so familiar: you really don't know what you've got until you've lost it....wait, have you ever thought if you ever knew how bad it feels to have lost it, and regret losing it? sadistic, but still. isn't that part and parcel of life? feeling pain? shouldn't we be happy that we fucked up? no, right? and then again, you don't know what you've LOST until you've really lost it. but isn't that really true? right. so why are we punished for making mistakes? after all, its from them that we learn, right? hmmmm.
but really, how many people would stop to give you a second chance? so my question is, do you REALLY know your friends, your lover, your parents, your best friend? you'd probably never find out, not unless your friends are brutally honest and you're totally retarded. don't people do things for purposes? so its a lie that there is no motive. so all our friends do things for motives. they're ALL making use of each other! what a bitchy, backstabbing world! so are we supposed to accept that motives now are classified into GOOD, BAD, and MEDIOCRE? and there again, there are hypocrites. aren't we ALL hypocritical? is it tolerable that we commit the act only by physical err? isn't it bad enough to THINK of backstabbing? but no, we're led to believe its fine as long as its not committed.
and now we're faced with societies and systems that conform us. laws that are written in order to bring about harmony and dispel discord. but really, do we know anything about what we obey? amongst them, many other controversial topics which shall not be discussed here. but why do we obey something we don't condone either? they say "do not smoke here" and yet you do. do they not realise rebellion would up-rise sooner or later?
and so we say we believe. but do you really know what you're reading or choosing to believe in? how can you believe in something such as a law, if you don't know WHY it was written or WHOM it was written by, or WHAT purpose did it evolve from? who are you to subject us to a law, a form that we must conform to.
isn't it ironic that in life we promote harmony and peace but end up fighting wars? isn't the world just messed up? isn't life just a tale, a tall one told to make us believe in something that doesn't exist because we could all jolly well be an experiment of another, under observation. why does the big bang theory not coincide with that of religion and that of evidence? isn't it queer? haven't you not questioned who we are?
never take for granted what you have. what DO we have, really? i don't know, and that's why I'm questioning myself now. do you?
[THE PICTURE BELOW IS SUPPOSED TO LOOK BLACK. IT IS NOT A GROUP OF INNUMERABLE DEAD PIXELS ON YOUR MONITER]
opened eyes. gazing into the darkness as they succumbed to the depth. and then. an emission of a spark. it hinted sporadically. a candle on verge of extinguish. its effects through that stained plastic. oh, it amplified. casting its grip over the ceiling. a light so faint. a spectrum, a gleam so weak. aggravation overwhelmed. this, by a blur of vision. a block through the system. not of natural but by choice. as wanderers irises ventured into space, it hit. a sense of home, a sense of want. it settled on hard fact as the sclera saw a well build up. and as truth dawned, it pierced his soul.
that boy. oh yes, he yelped. struggled. viciously, as that darkness ate him up in delusion. as his life had woven his destiny.
i'm here to rant. rant equates bullshit to one and all, but not me.
perhaps sometimes we set out to do certain things but end up doing others. possible that the routes close down as you animate life according to your "fantastic dream". not all dreams are perfect, you know that right? and sayings may prevail but sometimes once bitten twice never shy. never bite the hand that feeds you unless the hand's always gonna be there. see, there are always WAYS if there is a WILL. but of course, we humans lack willpower, don't we? sad innit?
thinking about why i loved "Painted Windows" by the PCD's whilst almost NO ONE likes it. maybe the lyrics are so haphazard, and its so edgy with an enigma. its that kinda worry that you dont know what life's gonna fuck up. that kinda shit that keeps accumulating in your way at the wrong time. that kinda people that keep fucking up your already fucked up life.
ernest told me (from somewhere) that loving someone is allowing them to fuck up your nicely ordered life. (sorry if i paraphrased wrongly). i wouldn't say that everyone commits such a mistake, but surely, YOUR KIND does. so....go eat some fruit to comfort yourself. :)
lastly, to make this post seem more meaningful, and end it off with a laugh, here's a video! thanks ern, for the link. :D
great, now we're done. so go fuck yourself because you're useless. xoxo, Marcus.
Does it feel, does it know, does it sense, does it change. one, a two. maybe three. chances, upon seizure caved inward. life, unprecedented. by love, perhaps just as freshly crowned.
cower, search withdal, find, but it'll not appear. because right before you, it lies. an antidote to your pain. shielded by surreality, hidden by false pretenses. once bitten twice shy. not this, it'll never die. given hope, creation of belief's in oneself; far from attainment, further in terms of achievements. maybe time will tell. maybe time will toil. chains will lengthen, ball bearings would cling heavier. metal will cringe as grimaces mark their permanence as a life changes its stance. leaving behind a scarred and painful mould for the next to fit. fitting into the crevices as last imprinted. adaptation to one through the exterior and superficiality. sheer facial value stings less harshly than a word and heart of truth. a brimming cup of love, an exodus and permeation into the very core of thyself. what stands between, one only dislikes. it comes the time to dispel its disgrace and distaste. so hinder its taking to such heterodox. take heed, make deed, sow seeds rightfully deemed.
so its been a while since i updated, and since today's the eve of Chinese New Year, i'd like to wish everyone yet again, a prosperous new year! may this coming year be benevolent to you :S hahah.
so, i'm sure we all had our very scrumptious reunion dinners and all. Well, let me share a very much to be remembered episode of my Chinese New Year dinner! Oh, it gets a bit long and draggy. Please read this only if you're so so so free! Lets begin:
My reunion dinner this year was booked at a Chinese restaurant somewhere at Bukit Merah, which is also located opposite SGH (near Outram). and it was at a HDB Estate, whereby families would all meet to have their dinners. Hence, parking was a problem. This made my dad round many circles before deciding to park illegally along the road just like many Singaporeans had done.
So, we were walking toward the restaurant when my mom and i spotted a man with his wife walking toward their lorry, with key in hand. This prompted my mom to ask him politely if he was leaving, and he answered affirmatively. We then hurried my dad to start and drive the car over. Meanwhile, the man got into his lorry and started moving off.
My mom and i acted as the barrier to prevent anyone from entering the lot as my dad was just around the bend. HOWEVER, there was a van which just simply encroached my dad's path and started reversing into the lot which my mom and i were in. Startled, my mom and i stood rooted to the ground whereby he continued reversing - almost knocking into us. This caused my mom to alert him that we were right behind, by knocking on his van lightly. He stopped reversing. At the same time, my dad sounded his horn loudly for about, 15 seconds.
My dad then got out of his car and started pleading with the driver of the van, saying that we had spotted it first and we had been waiting in the area for a long time. This fell on deaf ears and in a few seconds, he resumed his reverse. My mom did the same thing again, and knocked his van to alert and warn him we were still behind. This enraged the driver and he came out of his van, with his wife. He was rather rude, but didnt exactly mouth profanities, or probably he did... but i wouldn't know, would i? After all.... I couldn't exactly understand him.
Speaking in Chinese, the man threatened to beat my mother up for knocking his van. My mom responded with a "Come,come beat me!", knowing that he wouldn't, adding "the police is right there! ". And true enough, there was a police car that pulled right behind us. An argument then followed suit, with bullish remarks being shot at my parents. This made me boil with anger as i held my mom back and shouted "Its okay, there are just so many ugly Singaporeans". The man then fired back "you think you very good?!" and i replied "BETTER THAN YOU, FOR SURE!" and he slammed his door shut and continued reversing.
My parents then went over to the policemen and told them briefly our side of the story and we went off looking for another lot. While driving off, we saw the policemen questioning the driver of the van. Well deserved for such a heartless man, who wanted to run us over and beat my mom up. Sigh, what species of humans we have bred....
It is true that our side of the story about the lot being ours, is far-fetched. But still, reversing into a parking lot with 2 people standing in it, is absurd! Clearly, if a driver knocks a person down, they are in the wrong. This case, applies. So that's why my mom and i stood rooted. Secondly, when he threatened to beat my mother up, my mother fired back "come beat me!" knowing that he wouldn't because if he did, he could get charged. So, this scenario of fighting over a parking lot, ended that way.
The aftermath of it was hilarious. My parents both debating why he would've done certain things. My dad saying that we cannot park in the same vicinity because he would puncture our tyres. LOL! Not to add that we were almost half an hour late for our dinner! Let's hope that he learns his lesson though. Singapore really does have ugly Singaporeans. :S
AHHH! so that's the end of my narration. My update ends here i guess! Hope that it wasn't that boring... This week's gonna be tough in school. with so many submissions and presentations! Blarhs! oh well, i wish everyone the best in the following days!
I'm 18 this 2009. Born on the 16th September 1991. There's not much to me, because i'm rather simple......... Maybe that isn't true. Hmmm.
Anyways, i school at Ngee Ann Polytechnic currently pursuing the diploma in Banking and Financial Services. I have a few interests, one of which is travelling. I love shopping and really, who can go wrong with retail therapy?! Music makes up a large part of my life. I'm keen in photography as well. And, i usually communicate in English only, unless its to a chinese-speaking hawker. My Chinese really sucks, trust me you don't wana hear it! :D I love talking, not that i'm talkative, but i love voicing my opinions! And so sparring with me would be very possible and highly likely. I value details in my life, like friends and take strong notice to body language.
If that isn't me in a nutshell, get to know me yourself! :D
Well you see, Mrs Penny Thong, my lovely tutor and Module Leader/Lecturer has been sick for the past 3 weeks? And this equates me missing classes/lessons for this period. Isn't that really sad, because i'm kinda losing my motivation. Besides, 3 SETS OF TUTORIALS sounds like quite a lot of things to go through. :S
Okay. Lastly, to end off my meaningless post, i've got a poem. I wrote this quite a while ago, and published it on my blog. But here it is, 6 lines. 2 of which i just added to the original 4! 
