Unaltered Emotions.

there was a time i asked: "of what significance am i", to that special someone in my life. and now i ask my friends that very same question. seriously, of what significance am i to you guys. If i were to die tomorrow, how many of you would attend my funeral, how many of you will feel that you've lost someone? you know, as much as i wana exaggerate it, i can't say that there'll be many. 

i dont want people to mourn me when i die. I don't wana be a cancer to the people who love me, but it shows that perhaps, i don't have that many concrete blocks in my life. But what can i do about them? perhaps nothing, because i have nothing. a plain person in a white tee and crumpled jeans. who never gets set apart from the ordinary. But of course, there are those that never realize how important we are to them. Are we to pretend that we're useless and utter blocks of wood with zerorized intelligence? 

And its only until then, that that friendship is truly tested to its limits. Whether it would even survive, is highly unlikely. But why even try when you know that you'll not succeed? Why even put yourself in that situation to get hurt? why even make a decision that you so know you'll regret. why love when you know its wrong? why give it a shot when its bound to make you question your principles in life? why be so stupid? Why FUCKING HURT YOURSELF??

maybe, thats just the way we are. doing things, always, on impulse. and maybe, you just dont know me, and you just dont know yourself. 

xoxo,
Me.