My Love.

Hey people.

i've been rather bothered about something recently. well, not really recently. more of just today and yesterday. i know sometimes i might not seem like the best person to do things. i might seem a bit less perfect than many others. i might be a lot more unique, different than others, but thing is, i dont really want you to like me that way. if you like me that way, let it be. the world isnt perfect and i dont blame anyone for its imperfectness. sometimes, i wonder if it was meant to be? if this was supposed to happen? if the only thing you said was not to come true, and on the contrary, be the exact opposite..?

i'm not complaining about my life. i'm just hoping that my plight would change. if you think thats the same, then change that mentality of yours because your maturiy doesnt measure up to mine, so dont even bother wondering whats on my mind. i'm not worried about my life. i'm worried what happens to those around me when they realise that i've been hit by this huge rock and i'm not like i used to be. will i be all alone?

i dont know. sometimes people do things without meaning it. sometimes, people say things without it coming from their heart. sometimes people think they're the most superior of all. they think they're the best. that they fit the most appropriately. but newsflash, thats not how things work. you know words without actions are void. everyting needs to be supported by an evidence. you cant make a sweeping statement and expect it to be trusted by everyone. i mean, we all know that a picture paints a thousand words. actions speak louder than words. thats a way of life. we judge people. can we choose not to? not really...

i'm listening to Love Song by Sara Bareilles. maybe its the groovy and very jazzy feeling to the song. maybe its because i need a remedy to this situation. i dont know. maybe i needa write myself a love song, a love story and fill my void in myself. maybe i just need someone to throw my love to. i cant deal with this like there's nothing going on. if i feel cold, thats the way it is. i cant ACT as if i'm being all-so-loved by everyone. maybe the world doesnt recognise such emotions on a daily personal basis. because you probably dont even know me? for goodness sake. why is this world so calculative? sigh.

sometimes i think i'm such an asshole. sometimes i think that the only reason why i dont survive well is because of me. its not because of the other party. i'm a lousy person. i cant live my life well. i bother so many people. i'm hypocritical. i can advice people to do things, but i cant practice what i preach. hah. i dont know. its so ridiculous. a doctor cant save himself from cancer, but yet he advices his patients to not eat foods that are charred becuase they contain cancer triggering foods. silly. but that the way of life. but why dont doctors feel like me? hmmm. i dont even know why i'm critisizing doctors now. sigh.

on that last note, i just wana say that i'm not perfect. dont critisize my weakness. not now. i dont slap you in the face when youre sunburnt. i just want the world to know that my life isnt full. it isnt whole. i am shy of many things in life. its not wonderful to be alone in this world with figureheards. i really admire some of my friends. its so pathetic in my shoes. sigh. i dont even know what i am typing now. it just doesnt make sense. but anyhoots. this should be all there is for me to blow out. i watched The Perfect Man again. its so touching. Love is friendship on fire. wow. its really really sweet. anyways, thats all.

lotsa love!