All About Forgiveness.

Hello dear readers.
the picture above was chosen due to the fact that i wanted to show perfection and imperfection. sometimes, we love another not because they're so perfect. we love them for how imperfect they are. and in fact, thinking about it on a deeper scale, it is their imperfections that make them what you'd be looking for - "perfect". perfection isnt possible, but a step nearer is a step towards being better. like the many shards of rocks, which make up the imperfection on micro, at a macro scale, its art and beauty, period.

ahhh, a thursday, which marks the end of the month. ahh, July! this month has held many happy moments, many heart-racing situations and many a sad one too. but all in all, its been a month of growing and being wiser. its been a month that taught me how to stand up on my feet. well, i hope that this doesnt go down the drain as August comes. the following month is gonna be stressful i know. but always look at the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. (:
and as i end this month with a closing note, listening to Leona singing "Here I Am", a certain sadness evolves in me. but upon hesitating, it aint sadness. its more of dissatisfaction and discontent. perhaps i expected more.. perhaps i wanted to see something else instead. but all the pieces down, who am i to judge? who am i to change the way the world is...
today was business communication presentation! for a second, i kinda screwed it up big time. really. :S sigh. anyways, here are a few pictures we took! (: ahhh, the last of my presentations. now, its time to mug. with little time on my hands, i'm starting to panic. :S oh, whats the point of panicking when you turn about in circles and do nothing, right?
aye, this post has come to a close, and this is where i'd choose to place a song. or rather, a video. This is Sara Evans with an old song back in 2001. entitled "Saints & Angels", this song is wonderful. i really like it. (: hah. so here it is!:

alrights. that is all for today! and i'll see you next month!! (:



F: 31.07 - 518
B: 1310

Since You've Been Gone.

the above picture is a breakwater, clearly, not in Singapore. the white stuff is snow. i find it very nice. its half peaceful and half beautiful and half simple and half elegant. okay. that makes 2 wholes. whatever. so, looking at the above picture, i was simply reminded of purity despite how stained you were. even in the dirtiest of all situations, there always is a route out of it. just look around, my dears.

anyhoots, now, to school. my results, again. Business Management Project, i got 79/100, when coverted to 30%, i got 23.7 (: its a B+ though. but oh well. s'kay. (: oh, tomorrow is my LAST presentation! business communication presentation of 20%! i'm kinda scared, even though Baoying said that i dont look like the kind to freak out. :D but i do. lol. *freaks out major*

anyways, i was doing some surfing on the internet and i found the meaning of P.S. like i always wondered what the "P.S" means? and i finally found out! It stands for Postscript. it is to insert some other lines at the end of a..letter typically. click on the link for more info ((: [Click Here]

alrights. now, to leave you with a song, this is Sanna Nielsen with her lovely lovely song entitled "Empty Room". i put her video here for you. (: for the dear people who love slow and sweet songs, rather, sad too, listen to it. i love it a lot. so, here it is!:



oh one last thing! i SO want to watch these 2 movies! The Mummy 3: Tomb Of The Dragon Emperor! AHH! there are asian people in it :S haha, Michelle Yeoh and Jet Li. well, i think its gonna be a helluva wonderful movie! the second one, Money No Enough 2! omg. you guys do know that it took 10 years to make it right? lol. i think its gonna be wonderful ((: so.. YES! and yet, exams are still in...16 days time. GREAT....


so thats all for today,
tomorrow's a horrible day, but i'm looking forward to it. (:
loves!

Like I Never Left.

i was looking at the picture above. and wondered how simple it was. but caution struck, and i realised that it was deceitful as well.. you might think, why go the extent to call a butterfly a caterpillar? well, obviously, everyone has had a history - be it good or bad. but really, does it matter now? surely, to me it doesnt. Things are not always as it seems. I remember from my literature year, "be th' innocent flower, but the serpent under't". we're only human with faces, with facades. throw that aside, and you'll see the real me.

so today i found many nice nice songs. i realised that Leona Lewis has re-released her "Spirit" album with a few lovely songs. (: happier, this time. (go check Spirit's track names, they're all sad) and i also happened to find this song by Samantha Jade! yes, the one who sang "Step Up", the theme song of Step Up. ((: here's Samantha with "Turn Around". here it is!:



i was reading the news today. you know the Airbus A380? ha. Emirates has decided to include 2 SHOWERS into the toilets. ((: great for people like me who need to shower before i snooze. wait, but thats for people on First Class, and its only 5 minutes. its even timed! cool crap right! hah. :S oh well. here's the article with... the shower picture below. lol. [Click Here]
okay, so some more news. this time on companies. lol. finance, people. did you know that the Singapore Government owns 2 investment vehicles? well, they are Temasek Holdings, and the Government of Singapore Investment Corporation(GIC). well, Temasek is famous for the Thaksin issue. We know that Temasek is being run by our dearest Prime Minister's wife, Ho Ching. anyways, GIC handles matters and stakes in 2 other huge investment groups. Swiss-based UBS Bank and US Citigroup. well, no wonder it is estimated that GIC has a net-portfolio of 300 billion. :S whilst Temasek has a net-portfolio of 100 billion. talk about how rich Singapore is.. thats how rich Singapore is..

alrights, now onto news on me. lol. i had my ITB website presentation today. i got an A, and i'm elated. ((: right. and also, i finally.... I GOT MY TEEVEE BACKK! (: i've been suffering without a tv to watch. lol. oh,oh! i went running AGAIN. hahha. fine, if you dont believe it. (refers to SOMEONE), there's always a beginning (: ahaha!

to end this off, i heard Whitney Houston's new song with Akon. its entitled "Like I Never Left". i'm SOOOOOO excited for her release of the album in November! (((: her voice is SO GOOD! hah. right. so i decided to let you hear it. its nothing as compared to her old songs, but its good. lets hope that this is the beginning of her second part of a fantastic career for Whit! (: here it is!:



alrights. thats all for today! so wishing you a great day ahead! (:
lotsa love!

Insatiable Intoxicant.

i looked at that picture. and i was so reminded of bliss! you know that feeling that you dont need to worry about everything and anything? that oddly familiar peace inside of you. imagine yourself by the lake in autumn, and you just inhale the fresh air. doesnt that calm you so well? yes. every once in a while when i get stressed out, and when i get sad, i take in a big fresh breath of air. and i feel lots better right after that. so take one now, start to relax yourself, just for 5 minutes!

the world is coming to an end, they say. well looks like it is. with things, not only naturally, but also humanly, that go wrong everyday. take for example how P. Diddy(39 y.o) is engaged to Cassie(21 y.o). WTF was the 3 letters i said to myself. 18 years gap PLEASE?! lol. well fine, its not as if he's 79 and she's 30, but SERIOUSLY. anyway. Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson are having a baby girl, on Halloween!! ((: i'm happy for them. lol. i also happened to watch Danity Kane's new video for "Bad Girl". it was really cheap trash. disappointed. here it is. its so amuter-ish:

right, so next issue. THIS FRIDAY! Ambassador's Group 2 first outing. :S hahaha. wait, its more like a dinner? lol. anyways, we're so slow i know. but seriously, we're busy people with busy schedules! haha. so so so yeah, we'll be going for dinner. i'm actually kinda 'interested' and psyched. havent met them in a while (: haha.

oh, today, i had a very odd inspiration. running. i decided to run. lol. FINE, i know, weird. but i came back from school, and went for a run. i decided that i'm gonna start keeping fit. well try to, at least. lol. boy, do i have to say, i am SO tired! haha. now i know how to get a good night rest (((: haha.

ITB presentation tomorrow. i finally completed my website! (: haha. and now, i must find some stuff to say for presentation. all the best to me. (: right, update on results. my MIEC integrated project. i got B+. goodness. that doesnt sound that good... and POA quiz i got 30.5/40. (: time to mug!

thats all for today, so leaving you with a song by Karina Pasian, here's "Winner". kinda a sad song, but its nice. takes some time getting hooked onto it though.

lotsa love!


marcus was nice,
marcus was a pushover,
because marcus loved you.
he's ready to do so, still.

and perhaps you're that insatiable intoxicant in my life.

Faded Existence

hey people!
so things have been going rather fine today. well technically, today is a sunday, and what could go wrong on sundays?! now lets get started with the first picture! the picture above is one that i totally adore. i LOVE it!okay fine, i love all the pictures i posted up here today. probably except the last one. taken a cine, it was too cluttered. oh well. (:
ahh. right so today, i'm gonna be talking about expectations. sometimes we set levels of expectancy. i'm sure everyone does that. take for example, you get signed onto the invitations list at...Zouk. you'd think its gonna be fun right? but wouldnt you be disappointed when it turns out to be underage? i'm SURE you would be! this is one simple example of expectancy. well, its not always bad actually. but sure, it does cause grievance. it does make people sad indeed. sometimes, expecting just makes you have a higher standard. thats all. its no hidden secret that i expect a lot from people. well, nuff' said about me.
i've got a video here. the song is "Disturbia" by Rihanna. haha. honestly, i expected a lot from this video. didnt really reap it though. let me explain to you why i like this song though. firstly, its co-written by Rihanna herself. this, isnt very common. (: secondly, its addictive. fine, not as addictive as "When I Grow Up", but its passable. hah. the video's a little freaky.....so yeah. just be cautioned. its weird and..dark. lol. here it is!

alright. i gotta say the last couple of days have been horrible on my head. its been kinda painful. i wonder why. i dont think there's anything MAJOR wrong with me. probably just the tension caused by stress. gahhh. whatever right? i gotta say that my parents kinda disappointed me today. i was really stressed out and just wanted to go out for dinner. and no, no one wanted to. so, i settled for leftover food. *awww, poor marcus* ahh, then i remembered. children in africa dont even have food. yes, wise old philosophers. they have childhoods though, running and rolling in the mud wasnt part of my childhood :S
its coming to the end of the month soon! which marks a few things. the omega of things. it also stands for the imminent beginning of things to come. hopefully, better! looking forward to next month's dental appointment! next month also happens to be August, and hence, national day! *gets all patriotic and all* and lastly, next month reminds me to START STUDYING NOW CUZ I HAVE 4 PAPERS NEXT MONTH!
right. thats all for today. i'm hoping school doesnt kill me tomorrow.
lotsa love!


My faded existence, never part of it again.
fill my life nonchalantly with false pretense.
clearly unkind, very unreasonable.
being me isnt easy, its impossible.
so, covet me for all that i am worth.

One Step At The Time.

hey darlings!
well, its been quite a while since i last updated. well, a lot has happened. *heaves a sigh* nevertheless, i hope things will turn brighter in the midst of all of this. lets just pray as i always believed, that this is just a phase. (: everything will get better! hah. anyways, today i've got a lot of things to say. so lets take it issue by issue. hah. step, by step.
first, lets talk about school. friday's CATS presentation went fine. we watched quite a few videos. they were really funny, some of em'. haha. anyways. my group did on laughing gas. it was just as hilarious! but i dont have the video's link, so cant show you guys. :S anyhoots, this is THE most boring topic, but exams are coming. OMG *freaks out major!*
i was thinking the other day, about friendship. you know how it is, when you really do need people around, they never are there. i'm sure Xenia would know exactly what i'm talking about. she blogged about that. and we all know how it is to go through something without your closest friends there to support you, give you a listening ear. what i'm saying is that i'm disappointed in many of my friends who i needed. i dont get mad at you. i just find it really sad that you're not even there for me. i needed you guys. thank you to those who helped me though, thanks for being there.
on a more macro scale, i was talking to another friend. ever wondered that since our solar system is made up of 9,8 planets (pluto is not considered a planet already, did you know? i bet you didnt!) so yeah. ever wondered that since our solar system is in the galaxy/universe. how many solar systems are there? doesnt that mean that there might be a few hundred, to a thousand planets in the universe? doesn't that mean that perhaps in another solar system, some weird form of living creatures are more advanced than us? could this possibly mean they could even be roaming around, invisible, without us knowing? isn't this just so freaky? o.O oh mann. anyways. next topic!
i wana thank Kiewu and 2 of my other friends for coming out today, and yesterday. its been a long time since i spent my full day with friends. i've got to say,sometimes it feels happy just laughing everything away. and kiewu, trust me, you made me happier just making me laugh. lol. anyhoots, i watched The Dark Knight already. and i HAVE to say this. Heath Ledger blew me away with his acting. well, its just really sad that he's passed on. he was such a talented actor. sigh. it was a good, very good movie btw. the ironic thing is that i hate Maggie Gyllenhaal. i just dont like her. i think Kirsten Dunst would've looked better. besides, they DO kinda look alike.......lol.

Look! the bottom picture is Maggie Gyllenhaal, and the top is Kirsten Dunst. i think they are SO alike! its just like Tyra and Beyonce! lol. ((: love both of em' though.

i have a very nice song to share today. this is sung by Nicole Scherzinger. the song is entitled "Happily Never After". i dont know where it came from, but its a very super duper nice nice nice song. and the lyrics, kinda are nice as well. not strong and thought-provoking, but just sensible. so, here it is! (:




anyways, since i went out the past 2 days, i have taken many many pics. i shall upload half of them i edited today, and the other half, tomorrow. so yeah. hope you like them! (:



some things are better left unsaid,
some things are better left unbothered.
some things are better off unheard,
some things are better off unknown.

Wintery Coldness.

hello people.
i'm here to talk about love. it wouldnt seem appropriate in many a different aspect, but this is what i wish to do. bear with me. its long, draggy. dont read it if you're feeling happy.

initially, i always thought that love was just an ongoing process of giving and being content. and then, i also knew that relationships do get tiring. this is why you should never get into another relationship after a breakup, or a rebound for that matter. but am starting to understand why some of us are so afraid to love. the fear that subdues every other happiness dominating the person, allowing them to express many other forms of human queer behaviour, which we may not fully understand and find peculiar as well.

that fear that your other half would leave you. the fear - not entirely of dismissal, but more of requiring security. pace, sometimes affects this. honesty and trust inevitably causes the most out of this. and finally, communication. this is so important. communication that is severed by past experiences with the other, puts a trend inside a person's brain. new ideas that got shot down once, will never re-appear. its how we function as of now, the present new you. not the old one, that one is history.

sometimes, i wonder why there are such barriers, such distance between people. being so intoxicated is simply addictive and, well, rather obsessive. but its interesting how different people look at the same issue in so many many ways. i dont know what my essence of blogging this is about. but perhaps its just me finding that void in myself.

maybe its not me. maybe you just need to be there for me. maybe i'm just confused. maybe you're not clear what you want. maybe i think way too much. but maybe you're just not focused. maybe, maybe, maybe. i wont get answers anyway. so why am i even talking about this here. ): i would like to quote something that i heard before, something that i had said before.

It took me to lose you, for me to find you.

so, now, being more honest with you. more vulnerable. i dont know if i have lost you. but it sure seems like. i guess that kinda explains the reason to why i feel vulnerable and scared and worried. i wont elaborate any further. its not as if you'd come to read this anyway. as much as i may cry myself to sleep, thats just who i am. this is me. it IS me, the way i am. and maybe expecting too much from you only makes me stupid.

whatever, i'm not okay. but i will be. i've got a presentation tomorrow. and i had my bcomm presentation earlier. was kinda affected, but you know what, never mind. its me, again. pushover. computer is screwed up, television got spoilt. what else could go wrong, seriously. ):


well, thats all i really can say.
i just need security. someone to provide it for me. please.

Pulsations.

hey darlings.
tomorrow is business communication oral presentation with aides of powerpoint, and hence, the powerpoint screenshot above. yeah. that mine. i'm doing brand imports. ((: whee! HAHA. brand whores like myself find it more than tough to abstain from such tempting topics. lol! oh and.. FRIENDSTER SCREWED UP ON ME WITH THE "Scheduled Maintenance" THING. FCUK!

i watched "Catch And Release", the one starring Jennifer Garner. did i mention that i absolutely love her? and her LAUGH is so..! its just.. unique! haha. and you'd just notice a smile light up across my dull face when i see her laugh. anyway. Catch And Release was a very sweet story. it was really sad at the same time. emotions werent exactly running high, but it was just romantic amidst the nonsense. lol. okay. i make a bad movie reviewer. fine. lol.

honestly, i dont know what to say. i've still been getting that odd feeling. i dont know why. but i dont think i'm finding out anytime soon. with projects on my hands and issues on my mind, i dont think i have much time for myself. whats even more consolating is that the exams are so nearby! yip-pie. (:

well, i found a real sad song. but i dont know if you'd like it. Joshua Radin here with a song entitled "What If You". do give it a listen if you're feeling slightly moodless. it expresses you. oh, its in a video form. yeah. (:



lotsa love!

Jumbled Emotions.

Awkward.
Weird.
Out-Of-Place.
Vulnerable.
Intimidated.
Paranoid.
Scared.
Disoriented.
Dissatisfied.
Uncertain.
Lost.
Alone.
Worried.

words that are a jumble of feelings that plauge me. i'm worried about myself. perhaps there is something wrong with me. maybe i'm in dire need of treatment. perhaps i'm just having one of those uber pessimistic spells in my life. time and tide waits for no man, they say. make use of what you have, it WILL be gone if untreasured.

Hate Is A Strong Word.

hey darlings.
did a few wrong things today. well, take for example, going to school 45 minutes late. :S oh mann. i was SO embarrassed when i walked into class SO late! hah. anyhows, i dont think i'll be THAT late anymore. i skipped ITB lecture. i think it was quite pointless anyway. well, did the Business Communication and Microecons project in 3 hours, online. lol. submitted it today. *phew* so looking ahead this week, the preparation for Oral Presentation on Thursday, and... completion of CATS and ITB Website. sigh sigh.

HOLIDAYS PLEASE COME FAST! i'm glad i typically look forward to the hopeful and good stuff. i guess its an asset for me, even though i can get so freaking stressed along the way. anyways. i did the facebook "what your birthday means" thing and it really DOES match. here it is!:

"You always follow the good and the right instead of listening to your heart. Another word, you are a perfectionist. You care for every word people say about you. You often seen isolated while you are, by nature, curious and a dreamer who is ready to get over the edge to make your dream comes true. Your Love, You often fall in love with a person who is much different from you, in age and other aspects. Your relationship grows on friendship. Love at fist sight is not your style. "

hah. i underlined the parts i totally agreed with. which... is almost kinda the whole thing. lol. but anyways. i was wondering how interesting it is that people are so variant. how people are so different in character, attitude and everything else. its wonderful sometimes. it prevents boredom. lol.

i was musing to myself how queer the english language is. you know how someone would come to you and remark "you know ah, i saw your report today. so funny, the layout is wrong" haha. what is odd is how they say "so funny" but in reality, its not EVEN funny? lol. then why have an expression "so funny?" lol. like ever wondered if its spelt "jewelry" or "jewellery"? i honestly dont know which to follow and i'm WAY too lazy to find out! lol.

let me leave you with this video. the song? "Hurt". but this is sung by Melody Thornton. she is one of the members of The Pussycat Dolls. you would remember her if you listened to "Sway", the bridge. her power vocals were really wow-ing to me. but here's Hurt. i love the way she does the melismetic vocal runs, the one that Mariah is famous for. (: and the ones that Beyonce does in "Listen". anyways this was taken during a photoshoot, hence, all the flashes. oh and, i think she looks really oddly similar to Eva Longoria! ha. oh well. here it is!:



oh yeah, true that it goes out to tune a bit, but she's still wonderful. she should sing more for the Pussycat Dolls! ((: i know someone who would be happy for that to happen. lol. anyways. i think this month is one of the very few times i blogged so little. oh well. thats all for today!

lotsa love!

Ring It.

so in a blink of an eye, and the since the last time i blogged, the weekends have come and gone. and the routine starts again. what a cycle! i'm dreading this week ahead. partly because of the assignments and stuff due. so not looking forward to the exams, so looking forward to the break. ((: oh yea. HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHANIN! (i dont know if you'll read this, but yeah. )

having said and done my daily rant, i will proceed onto talking about how horrible my blog is. yes. why? thats because i think that its a place where nothing really interesting is. well, tell me about blogging you might. but everyone has their own styles. i cant and i most certainly wont copy yours in efforts of boosting popularity or even readership. whats the point? so herewith, i state that my blog is dead. well, obviously it is. with a few loyal readers and some occasional visitor from China, Brazil or even Japan, i hardly think that people i used to keep in touch with actually read my blog. well, looking at it from a personal perspective, my blog is an entry of my life and my opinions. thats my blog. purpose? to inform, and rant. i dont utilise my blog to entertain my friends with quirky jokes and laughable scenarios. but if my friends dont even appreciate my efforts of blogging, perhaps i should just switch to livejournal, and make all my posts private, again. after all, its not as if anyone would miss out, right? besides, i could be more straightforward should i be feeling upset,disappointed,pissed and suicidal. but really, this already sounds suicidal. so.. whats the big diff. ironic i know. its how our world goes round anyway. rants, rants, rants. after all that, i dont know how i should compile my life anymore. and its really up to you guys, as readers to let me know. if i dont know that people actually read my blog, i'd start blogging less interesting and more day to day issues. but perhaps if there are more respondents, i would be more compelled to let you read something more interesting. see, i like to get things clear. so even if it sounds weird by typing all this out, at least we're clear.

anyhows, the weekend was spent half hearted. tried futilely to complete my ITB website. left with accessories. i thought i was going to die. really bad project. i spent one day..overly elated - to a certain extent. and the rest of the time was spent doing nothing and start worrying for exams. yeah. so, here's a song for you. "Where I Stood", by Missy Higgins. absolutely wonderful.



alright. thats all.
sorry for the uber boring post.

Falling Down. Hard.

havent exactly been blogging in a few days. partly because i havent found the time, and energy to do so. i'm not gonna do a proper think-able post today. i'm just gonna do some quick updates on me, and my ever rant-some life.

first and foremost, exams are less than a month away. yes. i'm nervous, and i havent started mugging yet. i so need to mug for the following modules: POA, MIEC, BMGT and ITB. that leaves CATS, BCOMM which also happens to be non-examinable modules! how very coincidental! oh bother. and all that, in less than a month? if its not insane, its totally eccentric.
projects are stressing me out big time. yeah. and i'm only year 1. goodness. BMGT project was due today. BCOMM oral presentation next thursday. next monday is POA graded assessment. MIEC and BCOMM combined assignment is due next week too. ITB website needs to be completed by next week i think. so tell me, based on that, do i have much time to lets say....study? errrm. no? what more even take a breather..
i edited a few pics, i'm sure you noticed them in the middle of the different paragraphs. the weekends are here again. as much as i looked forward to them, i'm hoping they're gonna be relaxing and drama-less. i'm gonna leave you guys with a video/song that was covered by Latoya London during American Idol. entitled "All By Myself", this is one helluva emotional song yeaps! so, dont listen to it too much! i absolutely love how amazing her voice is. (:



and the last picture!

thats all! and lotsa love!

Night Is Young..

the above picture was taken from flickr, and edited to black&white by me. yes. its a picture of a classroom. yeah. i'm gonna talk about something related to school. something that i shouldnt even be ranting based on the picture above. but still. what must be done, has to be done. so, let me start.


"...
There has always been talk about Junior Colleges and Polytechnics (hereby known as poly and JC). there has always been people in both higher institutions ruling that theirs is better and more superior over the other. but let us take it slow for a second and see what are the problems coming from a polytechnic student, me.

i have always inclined to think that polytechnics are a lot more relaxed than JC's. i have always thought that it was less demanding. the only difference was that in poly's, you're more hands on with learning. but clearly, it is VERY hands on with the countless demanding projects that keep you occupied and sucks the blood and life out of you over 3 years. whats wrong with the lecturers nowadays? knowing that its so tough to even do, yet they still give it to you. as if they stage an obstacle on purpose to make you stumble and do badly.

i was talking to a friend the other day. Poly's are tertiary educations. they are under the same category as universities. but the way its run isnt the same. besides, the functional attitude of the institutes are vastly different. how can we be treated the same? one is for people with age groups of 17-20 thereabout. the other is for those 21 and above. the age groups constitute a lot, even just 2 years. everyone kinda knows that, right? and besides, the poly's have project groups, but not universities. sometimes, doing things yourself happens to be more efficient. well thats how i feel, and clearly its not gonna work out. i'm a perfectionist, and i cant work with the situation like THIS.
..."


oh well. the talk will keep going on. but my point is in the middle of the long essay of words. i didnt make an effort to compact and make it short and sweet. i havent blogged like i used to - long winded.

i listened to some old songs and decided to put this one up. Michelle Branch. here's "Everywhere", a song i used to jive to in sec1. i even remember talking to sylvia and syahidah on the phone while the song kept playing in my room. i guess this is what nostalgia is. (:



projects due end of this week and next. i totally screwed up my business communication test of 30% today. exactly what i talked about. about how the continuous thinking makes you make the wrong decision in the end? yes. thats what happened. wrong format. sigh.

thats all!
long naggy rant-y post today.
lotsa love!

Unreacheable Dreams.

i used to say this. if you love, love with all your heart. but if you wana give a bit, then dont even bother. all or nothing. ahhhh. old picture. its my desktop image anyway. i love it. its so rich. this is one of the few photographs which i still love after such a long time. took some random ugly shots in POA class today. and took some with xenia during ITB lecture. lol. havent received them yet though.

i was mind-fucking confusing myself today with random thoughts. thoughts quite complex. i was thinking about how weird humans are. notice how when we ask someone not to do something, they'd do it even more? yeah. weird. and whats more interesting is how you see people warning you about something bad. and then this guy would go around worrying. and because he started worrying, he leads himself into his outcome. imagine if he wasnt warned? sometimes, those warnings that people give only harm and hurt you. i remember blogging about this quite a long time ago on my old blog. but, its still relevant.

i kinda like this song by Michelle Williams. entitled "The Greatest", off her forthcoming album, Unexpected. of course i'm still madly intoxicated with the song i posted yesterday. but here is today's song! (:



thats all i guess!
it was a bad monday anyway. stupid projects...
loves!

Rine.

long day. havent exactly gotten back my mood of blogging yet, but i shall just o ahead with it today anyway.

anyways over the past few days, the pictures that i posted are HDR pictures. so yeah. i havent been in touch with photography for quite a while, and i feel really lost as well. like generally a lot of things arent the same for me. i'm trying to make it part and parcel of my life now though. heh. before i start comparing my present with my past, i'll end off here.

looking back, i wonder if i changed a good way. i dont know if i could've been better. maybe big things in my life shouldnt have been done the way it were. maybe i should've done something else instead. oh well, the many what if's in our lives. never will stop questioning ourselves with other alternatives will we? oh well. what is life without wrong decisions, without mistakes and errs made so blatently, anyway.

the weekends are gone. the week starts again, a routine that drags on. sigh. okay. before i leave you, here's the acoustic version of Demi Lovato's song, "This Is Me". enjoy!



lotsa love!

Selfish.

disappointment. its what i'm releasing from the bottom of my heart. its not simply the fact that i'm not content. its just the expectation that things could've been better. just better. the way it came out. the things at the side all make a difference. but not if i'm feeling this disappointment, no, not how it did come out right.

pathetic. sad. i dont know what else to really say. i'm just suddenly at a loss. i didnt blog for 2 days. been really busy and tired. i just couldnt find the time to do so. and now that i do, i blog such depressing and sad stuff. its not good for me, not what i want you to read. i shouldnt be doing this. but what other choice do i have?

anyway. poly xperience went fine. i got kinda irritated a few times but i shant elaborate. yesterday was kinda...bad as well. had this horrible abdominal pain. like i had a bomb ticking inside my stomach, with sharp spokes hurting me too.

watched Red Cliff. 2.5 hours long. it was LONG. but not draggy. it moved quite consistently. it was really good too. i liked it. miraculously. lol. despite my awfully painful stomach. but still. oh well. that was yesterday. things change within hours, lest, minutes.

so, leaving you with a song is the only best thing i can do to salvage this horribly boring and inappropriate rant. here's Nikki Flores with a song entitled "Selfish". i like it.


aites. thats all.
love.

Official.

hey dearest people.
my blog is kinda empty i realised. its like some deserted remnant of my life. hey that sounded weird. oh whatever. anyways, the dead blog..just gotta put up with it until the exams are over. which is....probably in less than 6 weeks. garrhs. ): so wana change blog skin. sigh.

okay. short summary of things that occurred today. TV! yes! i got my starhub set top box changed. its now digital! (the silver box) yes, i know, very outdated heh. i got new channels! kinda getting used to it. so into Channel V and E! Entertainment. hahha. like......FINALLLLLLY!!! (:

right. went for dental. he put a 10-chain on my top. ouch. sometimes i wonder why i was born with so many deformities and defectiveness. i've got short-sightedness, my teeth are bad. i've got sinuses, prone to ulcers, way too skinny..?no, thin. and.. sigh. oh well. live with what i have i guess. *shrugs*

tomorrow's poly xperience! i'm looking forward to it and dreading it simultaneously. i'm just so put off by the idea of having a SUPER long day tomorrow, and friday. and yet, i'm psyched about seeing these fun people. heh.yea right fun... and well, sec3's are probably less "stuck up" than sec4's who have like 50 days to prelims? lol.

i'm gonna leave you with a song from Cassie. it was also sung by Karina Pasian. but i'll put Cassie's rendition here because technically, i like Cassie's voice more than Karina's. Karina's voice sounded way too MANLY.... yeah. here it is! entitled "Official Girl"!



thats all, so do take care.
lotsa love!

Fly Away - Fast.

i dont have much to say today. everything went by really quickly. okay, relatively. i'm thinking of changing my blog skin. but...i simply dont have the time to do so. projects are piling up as if it were some free-for-all-crazy-kiasu-auntie-fest. heh. dont know what the connotation was for.. but, yeah. lol.

right. today shouldnt have been a day i blogged. but i am here. so, since i dont have much to say, lets put this song down. "Fast Car" by Mutya Buena. its a cover version. i actually think i have posted this song in one of the earlier months of this blog. but still, its a very nice song. enjoy!




thats all.
lotsa love!

I Can't Find The Words.

the day went past in a blur, in a flash. my world has kinda stopped spinning. i'm confused, mixed up, in delusion, repulsed even. the dilemma, uncertainty, uneasiness, unorthodox. here i sit thinking about how i want me to be. and it gets so tiring to even think about it. so, shrug it off and forget about it.

dont know what i missed in school much today. oh well. sometimes you just need a wake up call. and i dont know if this was it. i hope that i start studying for my end of sem exams though. its about time to.. anyway. to add on to the fucked up day, i got a throbbing migraine. goodness. you can HEAR your pulse when you lie down. irritating shit.

i wana post this song today. Karina Pasian's second single. its entitled "Cant Find The Words". she has a very low voice. and well, if you dont think the song is nice, listen closely to the lyrics. i must add though, that they are exactly how i feel. i cant find the words to say, to express myself.



anyhoots. lets hope tomorrow doesnt suck as bad. the week ahead is really packed for me. got appointments on wednesday. thursday and friday is NP's Poly Xperience thing. and then i'd be free. weekends again. thats why i look forward to the weekends. the weekdays are way toooo tiresome.

lotsa love.

Face In The Crowd.

the above pic isnt taken in singapore, no, its not the singapore flyer i'm sure you can tell. it is the one in London i think. i just found it in my desktop so yeah. 

well, like i told someone. i'm just gonna say very few words today. all i'm gonna say is: I DONT KNOW. (: heh. you know sometimes we think about things too much. so i'm gonna do the opposite and not think. (: what kinda crappy attitude is that uh?

anyhoots. tomorrow school starts again. my weekends passed relatively sadly. pretty uneventful. oh well. sometimes having too high hopes for yourself aint good either. so i guess.... just push it out of my brain and move on with life. dealing with it. great. yet another horrible week to look forward to. *smiles sadistically*

i found a LOT of new songs. i'll do a post on them tomorrow. i'm kinda energy-less today. so, so lethargic!

lotsa love!

Define Me Your Way,

its a horribly boring saturday evening.
and as i stay at home staring into my blanker-than-blank screen, i start mind-rambling to myself. thoughts that i cannot contemplate over for too long due to sheer intimidation. its how i was. how i used to be. and me this way now, its changed my perception of me. its awkward, astounding how i even ponder over such queer imaginations. but its true indeed.

i was reading my old blog the other day. i compared it to the things i blog about nowadays. i found imperfections. the things i blogged about previously brought so much truth, brought so much maturity. and now, the things i blog about are just a mere junk of my haphazard thoughts. all over the place, confused without a trace of reason and start. not forgetting, my language used to be much smoother. all the work of entering a polytechnic.

i have been thinking of imperfections and flaws these few days. i wondered to myself what could be used to describe now. i came up with a song that Beyonce sang. "Flaws And All". i'm sure i must've mentioned it sometime on my blog a long time ago. and yet, another song: "Dangerously In Love" reflects my feelings almost symmetrically toward you.





let it linger, let it hang.
find the indirect meaning within.

Empty Spaces, Many Places.

Hello people.

i had a super long day at school, despite me skipping some lectures, it was still LONG and TIRING. i have so many assignments that are piling up already. and its kinda stressful to know that there's so much to do, and so much to study for the exams... exam timetable is also out. exams from 15th-21st August i think. heh. screwed.

the picture above is a high definition picture. and i found the colour interesting. but anyway. its one of those pictures that you compare or even reflect your life upon. anyway i'm too tired to explain how i view it, but i think its particularly amazing how simple yet enigmatic it is. (:

the picture below is, well. of Weijin, Ilona and i. it has me with my new hair. (: yay. alrights. erm. i dont have much time to blog anything. but i'm gonna try to do more when i complete my endless assignments and projects. so yeah.
for now, thats all. and take care people!
lotsa love!

Model.

hello darlings.

school sucked. wait, it sucks. wednesday is the horrid business management day and it really sucks the blood out of me. like seriously. and worse of all, if you have a horrible lecturer, it really just aggravates your annoyance. i dont know what that meant, but you kinda do get it.

anyhoo. i was surfing the net just now and yeah, i found this video on Tyra Banks and her slightly shocking tantrum. i felt it was so "wow"-ing because of how Tyra always seems encouraging and nice and kind. but this really showed me a side of her that reflected her pains of growing up in such a harsh environment. here it is anyways:



wokays. i'm gonna end off here. staying back in school for ITB,BMGT projects. sigh. BCOMM assignment due tomorrow. garrhs. kill me if i may say, please.

I Feel A Change

the above pic was used for my Web-based project for IT in Business. a really stupid module. anyhoo, i've said a lot of what i needed to say already yesterday. nothing much left unsaid. so yeah.

well, a new month it is today. and i'm glad june went by rather happily. it was rather rocky this year anyways. well i guess they say you do reap what you sow. and you make your bed and you lay in it. (: i'm so idiom-y and all today. for july, i think it could potentially get better. but thinking of all the projects and all, i wonder if it would turn out any better or...worse than i expect. 

alrights. gonna end off here. weijin's leaving friday. this weekend's gonna be packed. 

lotsa love!

F: 01.07 - 342
B: 1200