hello people.i'm here to talk about love. it wouldnt seem appropriate in many a different aspect, but this is what i wish to do. bear with me. its long, draggy. dont read it if you're feeling happy.
initially, i always thought that love was just an ongoing process of giving and being content. and then, i also knew that relationships do get tiring. this is why you should never get into another relationship after a breakup, or a rebound for that matter. but am starting to understand why some of us are so afraid to love. the fear that subdues every other happiness dominating the person, allowing them to express many other forms of human queer behaviour, which we may not fully understand and find peculiar as well.
that fear that your other half would leave you. the fear - not entirely of dismissal, but more of requiring security. pace, sometimes affects this. honesty and trust inevitably causes the most out of this. and finally, communication. this is so important. communication that is severed by past experiences with the other, puts a trend inside a person's brain. new ideas that got shot down once, will never re-appear. its how we function as of now, the present new you. not the old one, that one is history.
sometimes, i wonder why there are such barriers, such distance between people. being so intoxicated is simply addictive and, well, rather obsessive. but its interesting how different people look at the same issue in so many many ways. i dont know what my essence of blogging this is about. but perhaps its just me finding that void in myself.
maybe its not me. maybe you just need to be there for me. maybe i'm just confused. maybe you're not clear what you want. maybe i think way too much. but maybe you're just not focused. maybe, maybe, maybe. i wont get answers anyway. so why am i even talking about this here. ): i would like to quote something that i heard before, something that i had said before.
It took me to lose you, for me to find you.
so, now, being more honest with you. more vulnerable. i dont know if i have lost you. but it sure seems like. i guess that kinda explains the reason to why i feel vulnerable and scared and worried. i wont elaborate any further. its not as if you'd come to read this anyway. as much as i may cry myself to sleep, thats just who i am. this is me. it IS me, the way i am. and maybe expecting too much from you only makes me stupid.
whatever, i'm not okay. but i will be. i've got a presentation tomorrow. and i had my bcomm presentation earlier. was kinda affected, but you know what, never mind. its me, again. pushover. computer is screwed up, television got spoilt. what else could go wrong, seriously. ):
well, thats all i really can say.
No comments:
Post a Comment