Imperfection When Perfect.

hey loves.

Shanin said my blog is like my life journal. indeed it is. its like a whole account of my life. hah. whether that is good or not, i leave it up to you to decide. anyhoots. i caught Vantage Point like finally. lol. everytime it "rewound" people kept LAUGHING. typical singaporeans. there was one guy that resounded "funny meh". which is true. it wasnt really funny at all. lol. anyways. its an awesome movie. love it.

right. went to ACJC's funfair thingy. is it still called fun-o-rama? hmm. anyways. met a lot of people. like a LOT. and many people whose faces i couldnt put a name to. lol. well, technically, they couldnt even remember me cuz they didnt glance back at me. LOL. right. this is kinda random. but lets move on. lol.

watched like 5 episodes of ANTM Cycle 10 already. so hot uhh! haha. everyone should like totally start watching this cycle online or something. anyways. Weijin is leaving next week. school's starting in 2 weeks. life is reaching a point where its almost impossible to feel yourself in your own shoes anymore. its moving so fast. things just swirl past in a blur.

about my last entry, i dont know what is going on. confused. its not very important anyways. i'll figure it out somehow. (: hah. actually, thats all i have to say today. i'm kinda jaded again. gosh. right. take care people!

lotsa love.

All For Nothing.

sometimes, i stop and take a step back, wondering how my life has gone on with me at helm. i wonder if its because of the stupid decisions i made that led me to my outcome. and then, i wonder how it would've been. should i have done something else. sometimes, i marvel other people's lives. how perfect it seems. how wonderful and complete it appears. and then i think about mine and find so much lacking, see all its flaws. is your life flawed? hmm.

i dont self pity myself. this is my plight. sometimes giving too much is considered irritatng. doing too little is noted as insincere. why do we think in such demeaning manners? is that how our lives are ought to be? good actions misinterpreted as ill. what are we really doing to each other nowadays. why do people have facades? i admit, yes, i hide behind a face. do you feel content now? more often than not, i do this to make an atmosphere of communication, hence spurring the hitting off. its not hypocritical. its based on good intention.

i dont admire people who disregard others' perspectives, irregardless. maybe a bit of senstivity to realise the troubles everyone goes through on an everyday basis might teach you to be more understanding and wary of body language, communication hints. shutting and shunning yourself away from these will only harm yourself in the long run. i'm not pointing fingers, i'm just hoping that things might change.

i dont like many things. but i dont blabber things out on my accord. i am human, we all are. we all have emotions. let your ego down for a second and consider this. dont you think that sharp words will hurt everyone despite how manly they are, or despite the face they put on? please, sensitivity doesnt mean saying things that might appease others all the time, based on nothing. But having an attitude to access a person's tolerrence level, or access their feelings. it doesnt mean being and acting. it means having. maybe we all just got it wrong.

i dont say this to anyone in person because i dont know how to phrase it. sometimes. i dont know what we're getting to. what really is the purpose. i dont know which direction we're headed. no, its not like i want it to cease. i'm very different and i dont overflow with confidence, volubleness, humour and wit. but to many, i'm seen as a joy rather than annoy(ance). i dont know what you think of me as. hindrance? i dont got the best of everything. but when i do things, i do it with all my heart. that has never changed since day one. when i do something, i dont do it for the sake of doing it, but because i want to.

i do run out of faith, i do run out of energy. but every happy moment rejuvinates, enpowers me to continue. if its not love what is it then? i dont know who would read this. afterall, my blog really is just a disposition of my mindless thoughts, arent they? i dont make decisions many a time because i'm afraid you're not game for it. its not easy taking the wheel all the time. yes, indeed i never did take it before. but really, many things i voice never took off. so, really, whats the point of making decisions that will never seem to impress you? and besides, i really am, always thinking for you.

hah. i dont know. will i look back and laugh at my naivity? will i shake my head and say "silly me" and shrug it off in a few seconds? or will i look back and say "i'm glad i waited it out". will it go on? will there be a spark of a new beginning? will there be a change? will there not be a light at the end of the tunnel? will there be you? what will it come to? when is the turning point?

opinions i am fond of. i am a person full of perspectives, ideas and opinions. you cant really do much about it. thats how i am. and i wont change that part of my life. if i do something mindlessly, there must be a reason. there always is an explaination. its only whether you wana figure it out. i am, like i said before, a sacrificial person. i will do things that are below myself. dont demand it. really, it doesnt make sense. if you dont mean it? dont say it.

and then, sometimes, i feel so inferior. in every aspect. i like to be the way i am. to be loved the way i really am. not based on a comparison to a criteria, a template. yeah, i dont have the best of anything. but i have me. i am me. and isnt it enough giving myself to another person? more is really needed? what other present is as good as that. really.. you might not take it to heart, but it does affect. or maybe, we have totally different mindsets.

you might tut at this and think "oh, what a overly sensitive person at the wrong timings" and then push me away. i accept it all. i'm ready for anything. if i dont get surprised everyday, perhaps i'd cringe and "die" when it happens, but no, i wont. if you didnt already get it, i have learnt to accept many things the way they are. well, they say every imperfection becomes perfect when you're really, truly in love. thats the message i'm getting back. it feels GREAT.

i dont expect anyone to comment on this post. lets take it as if it was never posted. i just really need to get it off my chest. i cant go on with this feeling inside of me. i look forward to everyday for you. thats all you need to know. if you suspect anything, i dont care. if you happen to be a real busybody and start bitching, good luck with how far you can get in life. i dont really care when it comes to this point. thank you for reading. like all my other depressing/worrying posts, i'll be fine. i wont commit suicide. its okay. oh, or maybe you might be wishing i would. too bad. i still love myself even if no one loves me the way i am. (: i just needed to really express myself.

with love.

--edited--

and perhaps, maybe its really just the wrong time, the wrong message, the wrong signals. maybe its just not what it was. maybe its just completely overishted. crush me, hard. i'm no more.

throw me away. it dont matter. just move on. cry it all out. slightly better? lovin' it. bullshit. way off. none left. changed again. stupid me. dumb ideas. gullible. artless. naive. young. impressionable. immature. too nice. too kind. love no more. GONE.

No More Bad Days.

Absolutely love the song above by Heidi Montag. that was the song i was talking about,"No More". Despite it being a bimbotic song by a bimbo, it still has a nice tune to it. just like Paris Hilton. (: haha. rahrs. oh well. i dont know why i love it so much. hmmm.

Anyways. Madonna has a new album with a new song. "4 Minutes." features Justin Timberlake. quite nice. Leona Lewis's "Better In Time" is an awesome new single. her B-side to the song,
"Footprints In The Sand" is just as good. also loving Estelle's new song featuring Kayne West. "American Boy". Not forgetting Timbaland, Keri Hilson and Nicole Scherzinger's new single, "Scream". Fantastic song. (: Britney Spear's hot new single, "Break The Ice" is another fab track.

Sometimes i wonder why life is SO screwed up. why things seem so bleak throughout but matter of fact is that it aint. why that illusion? get stressed over nothing and realise that really, its not even there. anyhoots. Life starts turning better for me. I only wish its something that'll last. Something has been bothering me so lately. cant no one understand the simplicity to be sensitive? sometimes things need to be done based on discretion not on orders. use that brain of yours orwhatsleftofit,thatis.

You Don't Miss Your Water.

I feel insecure.
I feel empty.
I feel discontented.
I feel dejected.
I am insanely paranoid.
i felt elation.
i felt pure purposefulness.
i felt mutalism.

still, unclear.
Insecure, Empty, Fragile.

P.S: Undiscovered - Ashlee Simpson. Sole(and soul) reflection.

Whatever..You..

CALL ME A POUSER FOR ALL I CARE.
PERHAPS ONE BEFALLS THEMSELVES.

Drill Into Me.

hello people.

yet another day where i woke up due to a loud deafening drilling that inadvertently caused me to wake up cuz i dont have like ear wax clogged up my entire ear. and so, i woke up cuz the kitchen was being done. drilling and all. aurgh. disrupted my sleep uh! but its okay. had to wake up otherwise would have been late. anyways. the kitchen looks nice. ((: my mom designed it...... amazing. lol. i sound mean. garhh.

anyways. Heidi Montag has a new song after her debut single, Higher, failed to receive popularity other than the discussive criticisms to her cheap, randy video. Her new single, No More, is actually quite nice. like i mentioned before, i'm very open to music. you may not find it nice. she's really, another Paris Hilton. haha.

anyways. antibiotics course coming to an end already. but i dont feel entirely well. throat still feels dry once in a while. haha. anyways. i guess i gotta make more sacrifices. such as... NO AIRCON TO SLEEP )))): i'm gonna melt for goodness sake. lol. anyways. i gotta stop eating chocolates and heaty food. otherwise i'll never get well uh ): haha.

i realised i got 2 music players in my room. one digital, one.....analogue? haha. one for MP3, the other for CD's. haha. anyways. i'm moving the CD player away but its an awesome unit (in terms of sound) so not selling it away or anything. thinking of getting rid of many of my books ( cuz i was so lazy to spring clean after my O's) and my room is WAY TOO CLUTTERED! hah. so yeah.

havent taken pictures for a LONG LONG time already. like of nice things. arghh. i needa find like someone to take pics with. FANNY!!! or Liyun? haha. but they all have school damnit. haha. rahrs! anyhooots. arghh. WEIJIN IS LEAVING SOON )): damn luh. gonna miss him loads when he's gone. sounds weird actually. but. you know what i mean. he's like my best friend. argh.

okay. i really am ranting. sorry. stupid post. but i needed to blog cuz i got nothing much to do luh! haha. rahrs! kays. till here then! love you all!

Indulgence.

hello people.



Catherine Zeta Jones! she's yes, the one who acted in The Mask of Zorro and the Legend of Zorro. okay if you didnt watch that, then she acted in No Reservations. (: and Intolerable Cruelty. i remember watching Intolerable Cruelty with my DAD. let me add, he slept throughout cuz it was quite boring. LOL.



its a Monday afternoon, and i just awoke a few minutes ago. anyways. was watching No Reservations. still think Catherine Zeta Jones is so elegant. (: arghh. isnt she like attached/married to some old man? michael douglas. he's 63, she's 38. BUT SHE DOESNT LOOK 38!! hahaha. i also watched the STUPIDEST movie ever, Mr Bean's Holiday. dont ever watch it. its like the lamest and stupidest movie. lol. like REALLY. haha.



i've got this optics appointment later. stopped wearing my corrective lenses and hence, my degree is going up, i cant even see with my 200 degree specs. )): i hope it doest go back to like 500. it would be really sucky. arghh. ahaha.



sigh. i dont know what really is happening. recently, i've become jaded, very jaded in particular to a certain part of my life. i know i shouldnt, but i cant understand why and i dont know what it really is that is causing this. the stultificiation paranoia is just as bad. sigh. okay, honestly, its reduced. (: hah. i dont know. oh mann. why is life co complicated with a surprise down the very next corner? why cant it just be plain and ol'. argh.



dont know what i'm talking about. this week, rather free. thinking of meeting Ms Jo Leong for lunch someday. i kinda dreamt of her. i wonder why. LOL. i dreamt of meeting her one day by coincidence but she was has hacing like lunch for like 15 minutes only. I'M SO SORRY THIS IS SO RANDOM! hahahha. anyways. shall end off here. i apologise for this boring post.





you got my eyes on you.


---edited at 7.07p.m---

ahhh. back from optics. it was at AMK btw. yeah. (: damn. my degree's like 300. ): haha. thats why its so blur-ish. but i made a pair of lenses for 400 degrees. and erm. i probably will let it stabalise first and then start wearing my contacts (: FINALLY DISPOSABLE DAILIES LENSES! ((: hahaha. no more washing everyday and conditioning, etc. hah.



i feel empty. i dont know why. first its jaded. then its empty. anyways. i decided to put pictures i edited yesterday. OH YEAH. they are like LONG overdue. like super long. the B&J one was yeah. the light and seat were the interiors. suave. (: so yeah. enjoy the pictures. havent updated my deviantart for a LONG time. shall do it much later. ((: okay. thats all. today's gonna be boring. not going out as its raining depressingly. and....no one asked me out so..oh well. hah.



LOVE YOU!

Take A Bow.

hey people.

I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS SONG! i guess i've got something for Rihanna's slow songs. its her next single after Breakin' Dishes (if you even knew that it was a single......) but here it is. Take A Bow. anyways. if you realise, there is a very prominent style in this song. if you understand who it is written, you'll like it with ease. haha. yes, Ne-Yo. haha. it was written by Ne-Yo. its so "Ne-Yo-ish" hahah. rahrs. anyways. enjoy the song!

Take A Bow - Rihanna


anyways. watched Sky Of Love, also known as Koizora. absolutely touching. i'm a very emotional person if you dont already know. to make me tear is like super easy. i didnt weep through the movie, but i did tear. and its really sad. the whole story. the sacrifice. the cancer was SO REAL. haha. sorry for those who havent already watched it, but yeah. too bad luh. lol. here's the poster. if you're wondering who the actors and actresses are? the guy's name is Haruma Miura and the girl's name is Yui Aragaki



didn't attend church. easter service. wasn't exactly feeling very well. throat was still really dry-ish. if you think i'm giving excuses, go ahead and think so. what can i do? nothing really. anyways. i'm feeling a lot better already. (: thank goodness. hah. i'm sorry to everyone whom i didnt reply messages to/answer calls. i just didnt feel like talking. dont take offence, please. but if you insist, i cant do anything too. (: anyways. thanks for being SO understanding. ((:

Oh, and about the chalet thing? i think cheryl teo has voiced to me that she does not wish to go. i share her sentiments. i am not pessimistic about anything but i look at it as something quite ridiculous. some people need to go back for speech day, which commences at 5, ending at 7, or something around there. please, the school also caters for refreshments. have the DECENCY TO LINGER AROUND WITH THE TEACHERS. afterall, we ought to thank them. like seriously, why rush off to a chalet, where you'd be there at like 9 plus if you take public transport, and check out at 10am the next morning? its 2days and 1 night. pathetic? i think it is. correct me if i'm wrong, but its OUR chalet. was there any referemdum or poll or something to say that we would dearly share it with our learned friends? i dont think so. not everyone is fine with everything. "dont like it, then dont go?" perhaps thats what you're thinking. yes. perhaps. but is this the right attitude? its our class chalet. shouldnt everyone be given a voice? not to just stick to a few people making key decisions when this is something we ALL worked for? i'm not interested in engaging in a row, pissing anyone off. but i'm just voicing my opinions which i feel, doesnt offend anyone. i'm not keen in stiring resentment in anyone. i dont question the inability to put the chalet on another day because i understand that its hard to even find a period when we all can come together. the whole idea is just preppy(if i can use this word in this context?). i'm just not very happy with the arrangement thats all. i dont intend for anything to be done though. anyone who wants to just go out after Speech Day, please do let me know. (:

anyways. if you think i shouldnt have posted this up, i apologise now for putting this up. please understand that i alike many, take matters into my own hands since i've no other route. anyhoooots! kinda looking forward to school starting. haha. i dont know why. maybe its because i realise that i've really, got nothing to do that is considered, concrete. LOL. anyways. nothing else much to say.

That Fractured Hope.

hey people!



hah. random information. i'm listening to Paris Hilton's Nothing In This World. hah. hey, Paris is loveable and the fact that she really DID visit South Africa in the end with boyfriend, Benji Madden, its like she really meant what she said. i absolutely love her and Lindsay Lohan! okay. sorry. was reading up on PEOPLE just now and found saw J Lo's babies. And we all know that Halle Berry has a girl. (: hah. righty-o.

WEIJIN IS BACK! i'm glad. picked him from the airport yesterday morning(Friday morning) at 1. and yeah. went out yesterday(friday) for dinner and some shopping. didnt feel very well. as in, physically. i'm nursing a flu and sore throat. developing phelgm(sp?) and itching in the throat causing me to cough, leading to abrasion of the throat, which could ultimately lead to an ulcer forming. yikes. ULCERS IN THE THROAT SUCK. lol. i hope that i'll be well enough to attend church much later! Easter service.

anyhoots. i got my braces done yesterday too. oh. i got LIGHT PURPLE and its not PINK. although it looks like its pink. but seriously, i was the one who told the orthodontist, and i know it better. if u dont believe me, you should just shut up. LOL. i'm sorry. i tried convincing people its PURPLE. hah. right.

oh yeah. my shopping! i shopped quite a bit today. haha. bought FCUK, all 3 shirts from there. feeling elated. hah. has been a while since i last bought FCUK. okay. not really true. bought one last december i think. LOL. but anyways,my pay should arrive anytime between today to monday. so. yes! hah. not a princely sum, but something i should be content about. ((:

today's random song. was doing some thinking about it. I chose this. Ahslee Simpson's Undiscovered. its a sweet song, slow paced. but i think its awesome. absolutely from the heart. i wana add one thing. people may not like my choice of music. the genres i listen to. you may label me, stereotype conveniently. but fact is, music is music. why are there trance, house, R&B, blues, rap, pop, rock if you're supposed to only choose one genre to listen to? i have to say, i've opened up much more to my range of music. i am a very easy person to appease. gimme a nice tune, a nice song, something to jive to, i'll love it. dont like me that way? too bad too sad. its part and parcel of me. accept me the way i am. (:

some issues resolved today. had always been bothering me actually. but i'm glad we resolved it guys. i dont want it to spoil our friendships. (: haha. i still love you 2! awesome friends who have been there for me through thick and thin. (: haha.

on a scale of 1-10, today has been 7. even though i still feel estranged from you. anyways. time will tell.

LOVES!

You...

You're my bright morning star,
a world in my heart.
You make me crease,
and let me ease.
My heart's all yours,
know it or not,
i'll stay on here,
trsut me, don't fear.
not like, just love,
my feeling's, my love,
are yours to withold,
yours all alone.

Give You All Of Me.

hey guys.
ahh. i really shouldnt be blogging at this hour. its ridiculous and mindless. its like so early in the morning. anyways. i dont even know why i blogged in the first place. anyways. chose today's random song. its Delta Goodrem's song, Innocent Eyes. i remember i loved this song a lot. i lovedd it a looottttt! anyways. this version is weird. it sounds fuzzy. like quick sporadic pauses in between. sorry. haha.

Innocent Eyes - Delta Goodrem


anywyas. i think Mag is super crappy. lol. let me show you why:
today was a , wednesday day.
it has been very wednesday-y,
unlike monday-y or tuesday-y.
so to conclude , today is wednesday.

thats not all. there is more. (:

i rock. i really rock.
do you know what is rock?
let me explain to you.
r-o-c-k.
rock means rock.
ROCK means ROCK.
RocK means RocK.
rOcK means rOcK.
roCK means roCK.
so basically rock means rock.
if it's plural it will be rocks.
rock stands for me.
so i rock.

sorry maggie, but that is like SUPER weird. like really. you talked about a rock and wednesdays not being like mondays and tuesdays on your blog. (: good entry. haha.

gonna pick weijin up at the airport at 1 a.m haha. much later. anyways. i've got dental at 4. i dont think later is gonna be a nice day. i'm not exactly looking forward to it. but wth, its already thursday morning.

i'm feeling very empty. talked to Tina about it. sigh. i dont know what the fuck i'm doing. its like i'm lost in my own world. its not what i wanted. its depressing. i need to heed shanin's advice to eat food that arent depressing. hmmm. i dont know, perhaps, chocolates? those endophines could do a lot to me. (: but no, i dont think any amount of endophines could cheer me up. only you could. you know how much ability you have? a lot. you could make me happy, sad and weep even. but you find it silly? i dont. i think its called being true to a person. true, no one owes no one nothing. but i do it on my accord. its cuz i wanted it. yeah. and i hope i dont regret this decision of mine.

i still hate my emotional rollercoasters. they really suck. like super bad. hate it. arghh. i dont know. so so so CONFUSED. so jaded. so scared. phobia of stultification. ):

longing for you.

Loving So Tenderly.

hey people.
talked to Johanna over MSN yesterday. nice. haha. JO! i know you read my blog. and i know that you wouldnt expect someone to be eating at 2a.m in the morning, but this guy sitting in front of the screen does that, alike many many singaporeans, (: hahaha. rahrs!

anyways. here's today's random song. i chose Howie Day's Collide. gotta admit its like one of the sweetest songs even though i dont really analyse lyrics, but usually just go for its tune. ((: ahah. anywyas. here it is.

Howie Day - Collide


rightys. i'm realising that my internet router is like so lousy it cant even cover the whole house. cuz i can like rarely access the net from my room, which is on the second level. i dont live in a very small house, nor a very big one, hence, its quite irritating. anywayyys. i trust that we've all seen Kiewu's blog? yes *nods head* wow i gotta say that week's gonna be like super hectic for sure. let me just recall what i know.
Business and Acct school camp 9-11th
Speech day 11th
Chalet 11th-12th(isit?)

its gonna be like RUSH here and RUSH there. and rushing everywhere (why did that sound so singaporean like..? exactly like kiewu's colloquialism.) hmmm. oh yeah. was shuttling on the phone yesterday between a few people and so didnt have the time to blog. hah. but i'm sure no one got bored. so anyways. went out with kiewu and delia yesterday. bought some stuff. more to come ((: hahahahhaha. rahrs!

so looking forward to weijin coming back to singapore. miss him tonnes okay. lol. imagine your best friend going away..? you'd be like so happy he's back right!? ((: hahaha. still contemplating if i should pick him up from the airport at 1 a.m. its not like i cant do it. hahaha. DUH I CAN, I'M AWAKE TILL 3/4 EVERYDAY. -.-

i dont like my blogging style today. sorry. shall end off here. take loads of care everyone! (:


i have this uncertainty in me. it looms, waiting.
confusion, intimidation, escapism.
i dont know what i am, what you are, what we are.
its never changed though, felt it from the start.
crushhh.
what i love most..? - everything.

They Always Say.

hello people.

first and foremost, my hair. lets not debate whether it looks better styled or not. i personally feel that the styled hair looks nicer. (: but if i always stick to convention and never explore outside boundaries, we'll never have new stuff, ever. so, hence, lets just see how things go. (; haha.

today's random song... hmmm. i'm picking Kelly Clarkson's Because Of You. a song that we all love(d). anyways. speech day is 11th April. 5p.m. dont know if its a blessing that i got into distinction club..or whether its like gonna be a total embarrassing moment. lol. but anyways, whats done is done, lets just go for the event. o level certificate is ready for collection. probably going back to school to collect it. haha. rahrs. and, i REALLY wana see that testimonial that Mrs Toh wrote for me...she had better be nice. (: oh yeah, i MUST shop too. rahrs.

Because Of You - Kelly Clarkson


went to Dempsey today. finally. like dont know after how long of wanting to go. lol. didnt take many many many pictures of the place. went to B&J's also commonly known as Ben & Jerry's. absolutely fabulous place. its like so vintage yet so cut-edge perfect. its like wow. lol. yeah. anyways. had the apple pie thingy. with strawberry cheesecake. wonderfully filling.



anyways. i think it still stands, Prime Society is still an awesome place to eat at Dempsey although i didnt eat there myself, i'm sure it'll burn an instant hole in my pocket. but still, i hope that one day, someone nice will treat me. ((: hah, dream on, right? but still, lets hope i'll go back there again. ((: this time, for a more refine dinner. (:



woke up today with a deafening drilling that entered my ears. then i remembered - stupid renovation of thy kitchen. really, pointless. but i hope that even after this horrible period, i will learn to like my kitchen and appreciate its small yet wonderous ways it provides for me. like all those pots and pans, utensils and foodddd. i wanted supper last night but found no food. wanted instant noodles but found no pot. found mashed potatoes in the fridge but found no plate. so i settled for bread. GOOD OL' BREAD.. on its own. anyways, didnt get a good rest because of this, but not really that shack yet. hmm. wonder why.

enrolled online for poly already, and got my laptop like finally. goodness, it seems like i'm finally getting to do more things. anyway. i dont even know why i told you that. right. need to go shopping for stuff. and i need to stop my corrective lenses and start wearing proper specs. i HATE it when i cant stay out and i go blind cuz i didnt wear those stupid lenses. ARGH. degree probably and hopefully fell from 500 to 300. its possible. (:

Sis is enrolling, or rather, has enrolled herself into University Of Nevada. dont ask me why. but she'll be studying it locally, duh. but will probably go over to US after like 2 or 3 years of studying. (: i kinda feel happy for my sis. even though.....okay. some of you know why,..... but i still love her for who she is. for being an older sis to me.

gosh. i'm really changing. anyways. i shall end off here. and i have NO idea what i'm doing tomorrow. but lets hope it doesnt rain. lol. take care darlings!

FRIDAY MORNING,1AM,WEIJIN'S ARRIVAL,CHANGI AIRPORT. should i fetch him? ((:

LOVEEE!

Get A Load Of Me.

hello darlings.
its a daily routine, me blogging. today i'm just gonna be a little crappy. (: lets start off with today's Random Old Song! i chose this song due to the fact that its a song that i used to love to sing to. scream even. haha. Liz Phair. with the song "Why Can't I". i really love the song. so do enjoy.

Liz Phair - Why Can't I





again, used radioblogclub as imeem doesnt have it. anyhoots. watched Spiderwick Chronicles today. even though i thought it was a rather stupid movie, i think its really good. haha. put it this way, if i managed Michael Clayton and The Savages, i can do anything thats better than that. LOL. i'm keen in watching Horton and Vantage Point. ((: haha. rahrs. anyways. met up with Cheryl today. felt really glad that i caught up with her. haha. we took quite a few pictures, but being really NOT photogenic, they look really weird. and talking about weird, my hair would seem weird to some. but you know what? why do i wana bother so much about how i look to YOU..? when i dont owe you a living, and we have no blood ties whatsoever? hah.



anyways. the bridge is the moment it always looks horrendous i'm sure everyone knows. anyways. internet seems to be having some dire problem for the last few days. cant seem to get into websites like 987fm and power98 to get the new songs. so, i dont have many new tracks this week. sigh. work tomorrow. i feel really lazy. i dont feel like working. i dont know why. haha. whatever, i lasted a while okay. not like 3 days or 4. i did like nearly three weeks hahahha. (: pathetic? lols. never mind. i dont know, i just feel so unbothered sometimes. and besides. poly is gonna start soon. i need some time to rest myself okay! haha.



deep down inside me, i dont know what i'm feeling. deep down inside of me, i really long for it. but deep down inside of me, i dont think its gonna come easy. and deep down inside me, i know that i'll have to fight really hard for it. deep down in me, i know i must wait it out. i know that i must hold on *thinks avril lavigne's Keep holding On*. i know that i must be patient. built over time. anyways.




took these photos above and below with xenia quite a while ago. (:




SO NEED TO GO SHOPPING FOR CLOTHES!

Only Hope...

hello fellow reader.

lets start things off with my random song of the day, Mandy Moore's Only Hope. its a song that i absolutely loved. call it girly, stupid, horrible, gay, whatever. i like it and its really moving. its also really touching. and if you did watch the movie, A Walk To Remember, you'll love this song also. its the most amazing song that she has done, i believe.

Mandy Moore - Only Hope



today, had church and went for Prayer Meeting at 3.30, and then had service till like 8. Pastor Phil Pringle was awesome. his message was so strong and so relevant, really, i was touched. i did not weep, but i did tear. anyways. going for tomorrow's service at JW at 12.30 and then having water baptism class at 3 with Carl and Joel. righty.

i dont know what is really happening to me. i'm sorry, i'm feeling emotional. okay? dont question me with "you just went to church how can you feel sad?" yes, its true that when i go to church sad, i come out happy. but no, i went to church happy, came out happy but i grew sad. its really queer how quickly we tend to have mood swings. how fast it takes. i have said this a million times, non exaggerated. i really feel that my friends around me are diminishing, that i have an increase in acquaintances and just a handful or less true friends. and out of these friends, there are some that disappoint you so much. some that hurt you even as you give out that much trust. some that dont reciprocate your every feelings. some that are so insensitive to your feelings. some that completely dont understand you. its just really saddening to realise that you are left with nothing at the end of the day.

sometimes i pray so hard for you, sometimes i cry out so much. but no one knows. even as i ask God to help me, i still think that its something that wont be mine. something that isnt destined. something out of my league. i never wanted to be anybody else. i just want to be special. special in everyone's life. someone who is different, someone who is understading. someone who can be there for you. those memories that we all had, wash it down the drain now? isnt that a waste of the time we shared together? at this moment, i can probably say that i only have one friend i keep in constant contact with.

Johanna. even though you're thousands of miles away, i know that you'll be there for me when i need you. thanks for caring so much. Germany is a far place, with different times. i've had a lot of fun talking to you. sharing my few opinions with you. you're the best-est friend i've made over MSN without meeting ever! (: haha. that will change.

Weijin, you'd be here for me and i would really be touched if you were, but its alright. you're in Australia, changing lives as you go. (: gosh i feel like crying. even though you might be the most innocent, i mean, used to be the most innocent guy i knew, you're still the most true person. the most humble i've seen ever..

Mag, you've been a great help without knowing. like Pastor said, through these trials, we emerge stronger, victoriously. i believe that my trial will come to an end soon. thanks for being there with Kezia to bullshi* my life so much. hah.

Ernest, you've been really nice to accompany me out when you've got like tonnes of better things to do. you can really brighten my day a lot. thank you for being there for me. (:

Xenia, i know that sometimes i may disappoint you. but know that its not deliberate. sometimes, we change, and maybe its time to change for me? i dont know. maybe you're going through something that i cannot accept. but i'll learn to accept you, and all my friends the way they are.

Ryan, you're so busy nowadays, i've not had a chance to catch up for a while. you moved out of sight in my life for a long time, its not a big thing, but having known each other for so long, its sad to know that we dont talk that much.

Kiewu, you're millions of miles away, working so laboriously, havent had time to catch up either. bitch partner, maybe its not forever, but i miss you as my bitch. my shopping partner. the person who keeps telling me that i "live in orchard" ((: i really miss you.

Cecelia, you're the nicest girl to go out with, anything also can one! hah. love you girl.

Sylvia, you were nice too, but you really disappeared so fast. i still remember the few laughs we had. (:

Shuya and Ilona, my previous 2 besties. you guys are in JC's now, new group of friends, i cant hold you back. (: i really love you guys. love for me comes easy. i love all my friends. i REALLY feel like crying. sigh.

Kenneth. i dont know what to really say. you've brought a lot of happiness to my life. all your nonsense. lol. chinese songs. haha. you're taking O's this year. study hard.

Cheryl Teo! sister! i miss you a lot. you're a great help when i needed you especially in Secondary school. thanks for being there for me. i hope to catch up with you. i miss you girl!

Fanny! i lost you as a good friend long time ago. like during my early secondary 4, i lost you. dont know if you know why, but yeah. i miss you as a friend. lets meet up soon alright!

Delia! this girl is like Cheryl T. i never really did get to know her very well. yeah. but she's really fun to be with i know. LETS GO OUT SOON DELIA!

Kah Hao. bro. its been a very very long time i caught up with you. where have you gone to? i dont think i've seen you online in like thousands of years uhh! but i hope you do well for your O's this year too! (:

Aryani. girl, you're the best. you know right? you know everything in my life. you're the one who i tell everything. every single detail. but you've gone missing from my life too love. i dont know why..? but i really miss talking to you. in fact, i feel like ringing you know. lol. rahrs. i hope you'll still be here for me.

this isnt really any kinda dedication thing. for many of the people i named above, i really love you guys. treasure you a lot in my life. Aryani, you're there for me always. thank you for being there for me. many of you i miss dearly. if you're not mentioned, its not that i dont miss you. i do, but maybe you never made a big mark in my life. no, dont stop trying, i never wana stop having friends. its something i struggle on a day to day basis with that problem.

is it so hard to find someone in this era? why is it so hard? hmm. maybe its not time for me. maybe i should keep waiting, since no one's ready to take things on.

This Is The Way I Want It.

hey peeeeeps.

today is tiring. i dont know why i feel so lethargic. its like my blood was obliviously sapped out of me. i feel weak, tired, and ready for bed. LOL. but its relatively early. and i shant sleep yet. haha. i remember i wanted to blog about this a few days ago, but i kinda forgot. haha. i wana blog about the hotel called Bvlgari Hotel which is located in Bali. yes. its beautiful. some of you may have seen it in Men's Folio if you do purchase it. yes. its really beautiful. like Miss Sixty and Giogio Armani hotels. haha. absolutely hottt. i managed to get some pictures of the hotel, more of villas though. so here they are.

(okay wait. i think blogger has a freaking problem and i cant upload the damn pictures. lol. i'll upload them later. check back for the pics. ((: if not, search them by googling it/msning it or yahooing it. (: thanks. )


oh yeah. the starting rates of the rooms are at like 1200USD i think? i'm not sure. but its a little pricy, obviously. haha.


anyways. i didnt really have the time to choose my random song of the day. but i shall do it now. hmmm. haha. i know. i wana have Vanessa Carlton's A Thousand Miles. haha. its a song we would all love to sing. no, not 'bimbotically'. but as a fun song. haha. here it is!

Vanessa Carlton - A Thousand Miles



alrightys. today, went out and hence, the lethargy, but it was better than staying at home and today is the first day it isnt so wet in like a while. its like so depressing when it rains. its like rain brings sadness in the atmosphere. hah. rahrs. anyways. i dont know what i'm ranting. hah. i gotta admit, today is a happy day. even though MAG "PS-ED" me. and even though i didnt go for PM cuz i'm going for PM tomorrow. haha. rahrs!

throat still a bit sore. dont know why. sucky, really. hah never mind. i'll get over it right. haha. ernest kinda recommended me a song. its a really sweet song. the piano part is like so nice. i swear, if i was on the verge of a breakup, i'd be crying my eyes out just by listening to the song and not even contemplating the lyrics. hah. emo right? sorry sylvia, i dont know why i get so emo. hah. anyways. the song is entitled "A Drop In The Ocean" and its by Ron Pope. sweet sweet nice song. (:

and indeed, i'm voluble. but whats the point if no one is around you to hear you. if no one wants to listen to you talk? no, i'm not conceited over myself, i'm not self absored, not callous, i'm not THAT narcissistic. i dont love my voice. but i like to discuss issues, talk things out. (: its actually, one of my pastimes, something i might even like to do. (: haha. but if i do keep quiet, its not because i dont treat you the same. its because i'm not sure what the consequences of being too voluble could mean to you, me and others.

oh mann. i feel silly. i just typed a whole barrage of nonsense and it seems meaningless anyways. HAHHA. oh never mind. i'v come to the end of my post. dont know what else to talk about. haha. weijin's coming back next friday! haha. i miss him. ever since he left, no one that would go out with me at 10pm AHAHA. rahrs! WEIJIN COME BACK SOON! for 2 weeks, that is. haha. WE MISS YOU!!

Thats When I Love You.

its a Thursday morning. its rare that i do blog on Thursday mornings and i know i might be a bit weird by just saying that. anyways. the mood's still not subsided. still quite shaky. i dont know what, why or where it is. that burden on my heart. that sadness just causes my heart to cringe. anyways. i picked today's random song already. its Thats When I Love You by Aslyn. this song holds more memories than my words can express. its so sad. i really feel like crying out...crying for help with this burden in my heart, and Boston.. by Augustana. oh my. i just wana cry it all all out. the emotional struggle i go through... a

Thats When I Love You - Aslyn


hah. this is so pointless. its like i cry out to God for it, but i dont get it. hah. yes, its part of His plan perhaps. but its so painful. i need to accept this. its a difficult thing to do. its not easy you know? how is the fire gonna get extinguished if you keep feeding fuel to it? does that even make sense? it does right? oh well, i dont think anyone really cares anyways. i mean, there are some that do. i've lost so many friends. its so sad. my life is really meaningless. i may perform in studies. but whats that without friends? without anyone beside you?

its like i need someone there for me. i'm not asking for a perfect person. i dont ask for someone thats as white as snow. i only ask for someone who can help me through. a friend. a past best friend. a new interest. a new friend. someone to take me for real. its something i require. i cannot take it that people underestimate you. that people discriminate you according to gender, race, religion, age. why are there racists? sexists? ageists? why?! its not that i dont do that kinda discrimination. i'm guilty. but why to those you know? i dont go around discriminating Johanna because she's german and i stereotype them because of Hitler. do i? i dont do that.

anyways. i'm thankful for the time Douglas, Shane and i shared at cold rock. it was meaningful. one of the most real topics of the world i discussed today. i'm uncovering a new side of me. one that is interested in the world. politics, current affairs. this may bore you and you may go "ewww" but this is the fact. people change. and maybe its time for many of us, to change... (:

note. when i laugh like "haha" doesnt mean i'm really laughing. thats stupid, insane, ridiculous thinking. when i smile like "(:" i am not really smiling. thats stupid as well. and when i "lol" obviously, i'm not laughing out loud for goodness sakes. my reason for saying this? its because i think that everyone needs to know the things we do to make others happy. the simple things. the details. the details i note. just to liven the mood, to assume an atmosphere fir for conversing. its a sacrifice i take, that i make.

Boston - Augustana


but you'll never get it, its okay. ego is always bigger than the brain and the heart. thats how humans are. oh well. sad innit? ahhh. anyways. here's Boston. if you didnt feel moved while reading the above stuff, please read it again while listening to Boston. it will change that feeling. engage with the music. feel the music. see that colour. close your eyes. visualise it. see what I see....

Heal Upon My Heart...

**emo post warning**

you know how sometimes you feel all stupid? like the world is crumbling because of your actions? hah. i feel that now. JOL was good. it was rock on. it was a start, thank God for the event.

an eyeopener. its not something i desire. its hurting, painful. like a cancerous growth within, unknown of its presence. it lays, waiting for the right time to unleash that wrath of sorrow and grief it'll cause family members and friends. like a cancerous growth you are. harming as you go. not deliberately. it just hurts. it just sears of pain. that very thing i desire is becoming the very thing i wana reject.

ever felt that the thing you wanted caused you so much pain? hah. yes, the past was that way. i cried that so many nights wanting you to realise it. and then its gone. its past. its a new start. but, seemingly unbothered, you continue life. as a whole. with words so full of thorns. scorn. my heart's weak. soft, real. its not make belief. its something that has life. treat it like it does. a person with dignity, i am. and every time i lower myself? hah. whats the point now?

and you. you've changed. so much. it hurts as a friend to watch on. why do you change? its evident. your nonchalant attitude of rejecting sensitivity, of being so self absorbed. it hurts. having been by your side for so long. what is going on? i cant just stand a watch you break into that many pieces. what are you doing? what are you exposed to? this will break you, you know that. my dear, its not that i dont care about you. but will you be willing to open yourself up in the first place? we have noticed it. you're not the same. with profanities, with a different character. why?

why does so many things turn out so bad in my life? is it a sign for me to say that i need to try harder in the future? 3 people i hold dear to my heart. i urge you. change no more for the worse. its painful to keep this habit of being the bystander. what is left for me to do, is what you have to do yourself. its a task i'm unable to perform on proxy. its something i cant take onus on behalf of you.

i never knew that it was the start, i never knew it was an end. i never did know you in the first place. i still dont know you. i dont think i will anytime soon. and hence, why still bother? why even stir up hope? revive this flame in me? not an old flame, but a fresh new one? doesnt it hurt at all with all that effort to revive it? doesnt it affect you? does it not mean anything to you? aren't you confused? or maybe you're doing this on purpose. its intentional isnt it? huh?

my life. jinxed. me? jaded somewhat. you? evidently stultified mentally by me. i'm sorry for being a disaster in your lives.

Dance, Like There Is No Tomorrow.

Paula Abdul has a new song. Its entitled "Dance Like There's No Tomorrow" and the video is SO CUTE! hahah. always thought that Paula Abdul is so cute cuz she's rather small and quite...short. and Paula dancing around looks like a firefly in a whole trunk of clothes around her as if she's trying to escape. lol. The song is supposedly featuring Randy jackson... but its either me? or i never heard him at all. wat. he doesnt sing does he? lol. gahhs. just add Simon in and it'll be PERFECT. ((:

anyhoots. today's totally old random song is...*looks at list* i think its Miss Independent! yes! by Kelly Clarkson. i remember this song never got too familiar with it actually. i got SO familiar with A Moment Like This, but not Miss Independent. it was one of those songs i went like "oh...so this is the title of the song?!" lol. yeahh. here it is!

Miss Independent - Kelly Clarkson


hahaha. alrightys. going to Jurong West premise for the concert soon. but meeting jeremy in town first. gahhs. ermm. hopefully can do a bit of shopping since the last time i shopped was like ages and donkey years ago. lol. rahrs!! haha.

anyways. i think The Waterhorse is a rather touching movie. it like reaches into your heart and smears you with emotions. of course, if you're not a sensitive person, you'll find it ridiculously stupid cuz its meaningless just like every other fantasy movie. haha. but i think it was rather moving. (: haha. anyways. my heart goes out to produces that directed movies like The Notebook. their ability to make audience feel so anguished and weep? wow. amazing right? lol. sadism maybe. hah.

righty. i just wana add one last thing. sometimes we tend to overlook the small things. we tend to miss out on details. we tend to be arrogant with our huge egos, and we tend to look down on others. its nothing to be boastful of. there's no art in that. its dead meaningless. sometimes, being a bit more sensitive could really help heighten a friendship that is on fire. (: but of course, signs and wonders come rare and if its a reading i guess its invalid, then i'll just overlook it on my side. its not that i wont take the first step. i do. but sensitivity? character? personality watch..? i dont seek to change you. i seek to know. its not something i lust for. its something i hope. anyways.

alrights. thats all!
lotsa love!!

please be more unromantic.

My Yesterdays Are Almost Done.

...Neatly Put Away...

okay. that song was from Always On Your Side, by Sting and Sheryl Crow. which happens to be today's random old song!! i love the song. i think its so pertinent to the heart. (: anyways here it is first!

Always On Your Side - Sting and Sheryl Crow



This video here is like SUPER UBER FUNNY!! haha. oh my luh. thanks ernest. i swear, even my mom was laughing about it. haha. do enjoy it! you can stop the music, but you MUST MUST MUST watch this video below. its from Bulgarian Idol. lol. i think? lols. do enjoy ((: hahaha. oh my GOODNESS. arghhh! hahahah.



haha. didnt go to Romp. had something else on. argh, but i dont really wana go actually? gone to zouk before and its nice DUH. but not really the kinda thing i wana go to unless i'm legal. ((: hahah. anyways. sorry xenia. ):

i am so into old songs. i remember there was this once i went crazy over Marion Raven's songs. haha. i'm listening to them now. its soo nice! arghh. lol. anyways.

shalt end here. (: hope you liked the video!
lotsa love!

That Dusty Photo Frame.

hey peeps.

i realised i'm trying to blog almost everyday. but somehow, today, even though i was SO bored cooped up at home, i still didnt blog early. i seriously, need to find something to do. if i dont work, i'm SO bored. anyways. yeah, took the whole week off. technically. lol. anyways. dont ask me how i did it. i just dont wana work this week. way too many things happening. anyhoots. random old song of the day! its a song that isnt THAT old. but its a silly song i remember. hahah.

Jojo - Leave(Get Out)


haha. anyways. there's something about me that isnt happy today. i dont know what or why. its just something uncomfortable in me. like i'm so far from myself. like i've been separated. OH BTW. its spelt sepArate and not sepErate. i've made that mistake for 16 years of my life. wow. i feel dumb. LOL. hahaha. anyways. fine, we all make errors dont irk to this and say "oh he's so dumb".lol. anyways. back to my emotional draw, i was saying that its just something far away. its like a dream that is like miles away. and it'll probably never ever come by. its like i dont even know what it is. its like foreign. its like unusual. its just so new, novelty? nah. craze perhaps.



arghh. anyways. i searched for new songs today. didnt find them. Kimberly Locke has a new song entitled "Fall" and Keri Hilson has a new song entitled something else which i forgot cuz i cant freaking find it ARGHH! never mind. i know its not a very new song, but Jazon Mraz's "I'm Yours" is super nice. okay. it sounds a bit country on some versions, but its a nice song. (: haha. and Mutya Buena's rendition of Tracy's "Fast Cars" is kinda nice but it gets irritating. LOL. Cherish has a new song off the soundtrack of Step Up The Streets. The song is titled "Killa". dont really like it after a while.



okay. Matt Damon's wife is pregnant again. and Heath Ledger's will has been revealed. His will was written before Brokeback Mountain and hence, he had not seen his whoever girlfriend of whatever sorts Michelle whatever (sorry for being so unbothered), so most of his assets go to his family. not even the baby girl. )): awww. Carmit Bachar, a PCD, is leaving the group. yeah the redhead. LOL. i'm glad. i dont really like her. LOL. =X i sound evil huh. anyways. in other celebrity news, i love Carrie Underwood's "All-American Girl" video. she does role play. (: sexsaye. lol. and i love Mariah Carey in her new video "Touch My Body" but the geek TOTALLY RUINS THE FREAKING MV. sickkkk. disgusting okay. lol.



alrights. i tried to upload pictures, but the damn server has a problem. only could do like 3 pictures. oh never mind. tomorrow then! anyways. the ones i uploaded are the nicer ones uh. i love the one of the tree. ((: so yeah. arghh. dont know uh. rather confused now. anyways. shall end off here. take care and lotsa love!! oh yes. ROMP, JOL, TREASURES! and i need to go out this week. like hell. a lot.
i miss/love you

Drops Of Me.

hey people.

kinda dont have much to blog about. but i really do wana watch all my movies. hmmm. but i just cant find people, time or enough money such that it becomes a pain more than a luxury. its actually really irritable that simple stuff like that cant happen. ridiculous sometimes. anyways. next week, supposed to be the holidays for school students. many of them are free.... but i think i'll still be working. lol. gahhs sorry people.

Anyways. here is todays random old song! a song i remember, that came out when i first started my music craze, back in primary 5 i think. or was it primary 6? but anyways its one of the songs that i uber loved so much. its emo, but it was nice. well, evanescence is like....death all the way right. lol. enjoy! oh yeah. couldn't find the rock version for this song on imeem. so i went to radioblogclub it find it. and yes, they have it. ((: imeem is starting to suck real bad.

Evanescence - My Immortal


alrightys. i have a sudden urge to take pictures. gahhh. hah. i realised Liyun really inspires me. somehow, she does. i mean the whole photography idea. i guess i was always into photography, but not one that puts effort into it, but she made me do that. haha. right. and now she's going to Malaysia luh. arghh, lol.

never mind. i'll just stay in singapore even though traveling is my biggest and most expensive hobby. i guess i wont be doing any of that anytime soon. lets hope the end of the year! ((: hoping to go to like the US again. haha. visit Florida. ooooh-la-la. hah. right. dont know why i wana go there, but just heard its a beautiful place, and has the first, and original Disneyland which supposedly is the nicest. i went to the one in LA? is it LA or LV? hahaha. anyways.

i really liked those poems i wrote the other day. i mightn't feel it strongly, but i still cry out for someone to hear me every once in a while. but people are so busy. they rarely know i'm trying to reach to them. sad. but its okay. life will go on. its not the end of the world.



okay. boring talk. i wana watch this movie! its called Get Smart. it stars Anne Hatthaway!!! and Steve Carrell. hahah. okay. i think Steve is so FUNNY. haha. lame sometimes luh. but he's super funny. lol. but i still adore Ellen Degeneres luh. she's the funniest and wittiest talk show host with sarcasm peppered everywhere. anyways. the show is about some kinda detective, stupid one. and obviously,the stupid detective is Steve. Anne Hathaway plays the smart detective. lol. okay. go watch the trailer. haha. one trailer's good. the other one is plain stupid. lol.

alrights. i shall end off here. thank you for reading yet another boring post.
love ya'll!

The Higher Ground.

hey people!
saturday! haha. today's church day. i know that recently, i've grown more in love with God. i've committed myself to the church even more. no, not because i was forced to. but because i have a hunger for Him. and its something that i desire. sometimes, people ask me why i have so many problems still, even with God around. Let me tell you this. God never promised that our life will be perfect. But he promises that in our darkness, we can lean on Him. that we can cry out to Him and He will give us refuge. He said that even though we walk through the valley of death, we wont be afraid. though we may walk on water, we wont sink. so yeah!! thats why i believe that our problems are just a phase of life. its not a stumbling block. and thats why i will never ever give up my life. its because i know that this life on earth is only a passing phase. that He has so much in store for me.

anyways. today is RYAN ANG'S BIRTHDAY! okay. i dont really have many friends who are named Ryan, but there are a few. anyways, RYAN! you're 17 now boy. time to grow up. lol. nahh. i'm glad that you're doing fine in CJC. add some oil in studies okay! O's and A's are completely different. but i wana wish you the best in everything you do anyways! may happiness go with you for the year ahead. (: haha.

today's random song is......What's Left Of Me by Nick Lachey. i've always loved this song so so so much. i love to sing to it. its just so representative of my feelings many a times. so, here's the song:

Nick Lachey - What's Left Of Me.


happiness doesnt flood me in a deluge. but occasionally it knocks at my door. asking for me to let it in. happiness, its one thing. sadness on the other hand, takes the upper hand. frequently, overwhelms me. and the feeling of anguish enters and sears through your heart. a yearn for more. a yearn for happiness as it tasted so sweet, so loving. but that dream will only be a cloud away. not everything comes twice. like band 1 students used to say, carpe diem. which means, seize the day doesnt it? seize the opportunity. treasure the ones you're with now. if you dont feel anything, try listening to Hero(song is posted in the previous post) and read the paragraph again. (:

alrights. gotta get ready for church. its 1.38 now. and i shalt leave. hope the cg mingles well. that everyone is happy. hope that there is growth and an understanding of love and concern amongst us. (: oaky till then

lotsa love!

Other Than Me.

Hey people. first things first. today's RANDOM OLD SONG!! ((: haha. this song isnt super old nor super nice. but i remember there was once that i felt so touched by the chorus. i think its a touching song. really meaningful. (: haha. here it is!

Hero - Enrique Iglesias


alrightys. while you listen to the song, i just wana talk about the whole court thing. lol. it was really interesting today. we waited for the A.R (is that what you call him?) to finish the case before us. thats because the one before us had a SC in there. (SC=Senior Counsel=important,powerful person) so yeah. waited from like 9 till 10.30. thank goodness there was Pei Jing. anyways. she's a law student. and i dont know why people think I'M a law student lol. they think i'm in Law School. hahahhahaha. no. not so soon my dear friends. lol.

anywyas. today's case was on some car company and some woman. cant reveal much cuz the case isnt closed. but its interesting how the judge actually dealt with it. i think it takes great wisdom. lol. and energy to keep intently listening to their points. too see if they contradict themselves, as the other party did. lol. many a time. his argument was weak luh. and he knew he was at the losing end anyways. so yeah. haha. SO COOL! i got lost halfway. felt really drowsy. eyelids were heavy. but i caught on and till the end, knew that they were talking about. and the phrases they use!! so COMPLEX!! haha. their english is like whoa. so many idioms,so many analogies. haha. i personally like the "two faces of the same coin" haha. i find it so cute. hah. rahrs. there is a "defend" and a "counter..." counter something. lol. but they're supposed to support 2 different things i think. oh well. nevermind. lets learn that when i get into Law School. hahaha.

alrightys. back to closing files again...i dont know if i'm going out later on....but i wana watch Step Up 2!!! and The Leap Years. i think its so cool uh! and also partly because its local? and it stars WONG LI LIN! i think she's probably one of the hottest singaporean actresses. i mean, i saw her before and whoooooohoo. okay luh. i saw jean danker,jamie yeo,carrie chong. and probably 2 out of the 3 are super hot. hahah. right. this isnt me talking.

cell group yesterday was awesome. haha. and i needa get back to work already. Romp next Tuesday. Doors open 9p.m. and...i think i'm taking leave on wednesday. wednesday is also the day for JOL!! (: haha. alrights. shall end my daily wordy long winded post here.



------------------------------------EDITED----------------------------------


The part above was done during lunch. this part below, is typed after work. Poems. That rhyme. Took some effort, but wasn't much. was feeling really depressed. dont ask why. i dont give reasons. but for sure, emotional slumbers constitute to my efficiency really well.

the third one is the most meaningful of all. its very mirrored to my heart. the first one is very grieving sorta. yeah. and the second one? its the hope i have, the hope i harbour. the fourth and fifth ones are filled more with sadness ad anguish, betrayal of some sort. sigh. okay. go read now.

1. This heart of mine, its soft and kind.
You never knew, its always mine.
A word, a phrase, a big wrong choice,
you'll never hear another noise.


2. A flame, a glow, a small birght light.
The ending's near, it within sight.
Hold on tight, and you just might,
reach the pot of gold, all right.


3. Rekindle this soul of mine,
relight this, burning on fire.
A phase, a spark, a brand new you,
you're the one, i always knew.


4. Under those lies, under that face.
A dark daze, without a place.
Those lies, those words, are all a maze
Maybe i'm just one of your slaves.


5. A broken heart, a broken soul.
A broken body that i disowned.
This tamper, trial-ed, tumult-ioned tale,
A huge long story, it won't be mailed.
Pale, frail. All smooth sail?
Perhaps i'm just yours to fail.

loves!

Those Scribbled Words.

hey people.
blogging at work. haha. lunch time. and my aunt went out for lunch meeting/whatever it really is. lol. but anyways. i woke up earlier today. had to be early for court session which starts at 9am. so yeah. woke at 7. ): didnt get enough sleep. super tired now. later still have cell group meeting uh! haha. rahrs. anyways. bankruptcy session was so cool, and scary at the same time. thats because in less than 5 minutes, over 7 orders of bankruptcy can be given. scary huh. poor bakrupts. lol. anyways. tomorrow is something else Beng Chye told me. hmmmm. wonder whats gonna be tomorrow's. i find being a judge really cool. like. whoa. they call you "your honour" right? hahaha. rahrs. anyways. i shall end my court speech here.

actually, i'm famished. but food's on its way. so i'm in the midst of closing files. hah. ehhh. boring. but its okay. interesting to see how much some properties are worth. lol. there was one that was like 9 million. gosh. lol. properties like Maplewoods are worth like a million and a little more. ((: i'm learning okay... lol. rahrs. I THINK BEING A LAWYER IS SO COOL UH! haha. i still wana be a lawyer. but not sure what department though....hmmm. i asked Beng Chye why he chose litigation. and he said well, although its more stressful, there are more things to look forward to. its more happening. hah. and there are many things in litigation that you cant find in other departments. (: hmmmmm. inspired? maybe....

today's random song! i've chosen Train's "Drops Of Jupiter". relatively old song. but i think its super nice. anyways i cant put the link up here cuz R&T has blocked the imeem site. well R&T blocks every site. cbox(tagboard), MSN(e-buddy too). gahhhhs. lol. but anyways its on my repeat now. ((: enjoy!





Jesse McCartney has a new song. its entitled "Leavin". dont ask me why i know this. lol. its probably cuz i was searching for old songs to put up here, and i got like 80 over. and i searched Jesse and found that. its an okay song. not super nice. its a bit weird at first. the lyrics are super cheesy,corny. lol.

well. i miss a few people in my life. but i shouldnt expect too much. even though i try so hard to reach to them, they're still that far away. pointless to try even harder when they find you irritating and a nag in return. so, yeah. i'll still be here though, waiting alone.

kkays. thats all.
lotsa love!

My Dilemma.

hey people!
its been yet, another tiring day at work. and this time, it went quite alright. hung out with Naomi for lunch again. we had like some curry chicken. absolutely delicious. hah. right. and then, went to spinelli for a latte. quick fact. did you know the only coffee i LOVE is latte? hmmmm. lol. banked in 2 of my cheques. long overdue. lol.

righty. anyways. tomorrow i'm going to court!! yippie! haha. bankruptcy cases. sounds really interesting. Margaret was telling me about it. hah. sounds scary, intimidating, but interesting at the same time. lol. hope the people dont cry though. gahhhs. lol. friday....hmmm. free again. saturday is to the bank. need to start a new account. hah. this one for keeping money only. lol. ooooh btw, i just checked my accounts. i got S$0.06 cents as interest for february!!! hahahaha. so pathetic right. lol.

anyways. i was waiting today for an anonymous person, and so, had some more free time. this time, wrote a few, different poems/proses. it might not mean much. but, its my modus operandi of expression. so yeah. here goes. it may sound depressing, but it isnt really. its just how i reflect, and express myself.

1. My History..
I used to be so cold.
so scared, silent, still.
But change came,
difference took path,
and now all i feel?
Tricks,traps,lies,deceit.
Assume that double edged sword.
Be the person hiding behind the mask.
Sometimes, that pretty face?
They represent insecurity,
intimidation, infringement of truth....


2. My Breakdown
And at first, truth was set.
And then, change was en route.
A different person, -nality, presence.
A morph, an annihilation, a disaster.


3. The Struggle
How i'd love "nostalgia meets future"
But things aren't the same.
Er'thing's changed - a new beginning.
As time ticks by, helplessly, i watch.
Fury too, overcomes the habitant.
Suspicion arose. Truthfulness, meagerly supressed.
Infidel potential, increased. Trust, fell.
Me, change? Ha. No, You, ChangeD.
everyone changes in time.
They say, "you can't stop change, change is good"


4.My All....
All those tears i shed.
All those veins i cut.
All those nights i wasted.
All those emotional breakdowns.
All those loving moments.
All those painful silences.
All those happy memoirs.
All those hurtful words.
All those fun days.
All those silly elusions.
All those cute trite phrases.
All those hours wasted.
All those sweet nothings.
All that history.
All that memories.
All that past.
All that was.
All that we wanted.
All that i was.
All that you were.
All that isn't.
All that is gone.
All that we cherised.
All that's, nothing no more...



right. before i continue, i'm gonna have a random old song everytime i post. (: so here's today's random old song! :




These poems arent referring to a person. its referring to many. its meant for a crowd. if you think you're the audenice, well done. my point is woven into that. Blame me for being poetic to some extent. I find it a proper way to express myself. Being to the point, yet vague at the same time. Its elusive.

What's wrong with the world? i really think something is wrong. like, everything just goes wrong. everyday, something takes a turn for the worse. You know, in stocks and shares, they say what goes up must come down and what comes down will go up. So why is everything still coming down?! why cant anything good happen to me? why? everything just collapses. its surreal! for a second its happening, for the next, its far away.

decisions i loathe myself for, i really regret. stupidity sometimes, but more of rash. quick witted thinking, except its the negative aspect. i dont know. it came, it went. it sat its gone. twice. thrice. so many freaking times. what is wrong?! sighh. do i have a mental disorder i dont know of? charisma defectiveness which is contagious? thats why people abstain from me? stay far away from me? stop talking to me? hah. no, you might very well think i'm talking about you. who knows, maybe i am. but why? like REALLY WHY? am i THAT irritating? maybe its the constant flow of questions. hmmmm. but maybe its cuz i'm more opinionated. maybe its because i have a stand, a perspective in life. maybe its because i'm sure of my life. not like you.

you know, if i know that friends come and go without remaining, i wont even bother making friends with you. my definition of a friend is someone that helps you along the way. who assists you, fun laughter, sadness tears. everything. someone who you hang out with, study with, talk to. not keep secrets! furthermore, those considered closer than friends....its distrustful. if we abide in each other, spur each other along, keep a constant keen interest in sociability, nothing will fall. but evidently, its not me who doesnt wana keep in touch eh? i try my best. i've said this before. friends mean a lot to me. and i just do realise how i'm left with less than a handful of friends. and those that are in this handful are being cursed, attacked by others.

xenia, sorry that people are just so jealous that we can be friends. i dont understand whats wrong being close. its not as if there are anymore strings attached. there isnt any scandals. nothing. plain. why is it people are SO SO SO FUCKING BUSYBODY? typical singaporean behaviour. like really. stop being so concerned about others, and focus more on yourself! maybe you're the one who needs a reflection in life, not the person you're telling off.

i've also said that i treasure my friends a lot. i used to say friends come and go. but no. i wont let it be. if a friends comes back, i'll welcome him/her with open arms. i dont hold such huge grudges. better make a friend than an enemy, i always say. i've also said that friendships are harder to build than relationships sometimes. its not easy. you might overlook so many things. sigh. friends are so hard to come by. well, at least good, true friends are.

i dont pity myself for having few friends. i'm not popular. i'm not high profile. i dont want to be. not yet. life for me isnt as smooth going as everyone thinks. if you think i'm part of the upper crust of society. i'd say i am. i live that way. i've always told myself i wana have a good life. and i'm working for it. i'm not smart. my o level results are the way they are not because of me. i thank God. i'm a late bloomer, slow to many things. to grasping concepts. and yet, i still survive. i wana do this. its my goal. and i'm sure of it. but i dont look at it as being different. i dont think this is the reason why i'm ostracized out of many social circles.

stereotype. its what humans love to do. its the same problem as being racist, sexist and agist. although we know we shouldnt, we do. obviously. your opinion is the most important isnt it..?we gotta judge everyone we see. i'm guilty of it. of everything. tell me you dont stereotype people and i'll salute you because you're stereotyping yourself by saying that. making yourself seem elite. nonsense. we all stereotype. mentally judge people. in an eighth of a second, we judge a person according to their dressing, and looks. its even subconscious! but what can we do? stop being so segregative. mix more, open up more. socialise more. mean things with your heart.

i know typing all this is gonna go to waste. because its long, wordy and boring. but i just need an avenue to express myself. i'm sorry to hear of so many breakup's. ironic. but doesnt matter. excuses are always made. i think i make a lot of excuses. give a random tall story. its normal. but its not good. and i'm sorry i did all that.

sounds like confession wednesday. but anyways. i shall end off here. thank you for reading this long, wordy, and boring entry.
love.