Thats When I Love You.

its a Thursday morning. its rare that i do blog on Thursday mornings and i know i might be a bit weird by just saying that. anyways. the mood's still not subsided. still quite shaky. i dont know what, why or where it is. that burden on my heart. that sadness just causes my heart to cringe. anyways. i picked today's random song already. its Thats When I Love You by Aslyn. this song holds more memories than my words can express. its so sad. i really feel like crying out...crying for help with this burden in my heart, and Boston.. by Augustana. oh my. i just wana cry it all all out. the emotional struggle i go through... a

Thats When I Love You - Aslyn


hah. this is so pointless. its like i cry out to God for it, but i dont get it. hah. yes, its part of His plan perhaps. but its so painful. i need to accept this. its a difficult thing to do. its not easy you know? how is the fire gonna get extinguished if you keep feeding fuel to it? does that even make sense? it does right? oh well, i dont think anyone really cares anyways. i mean, there are some that do. i've lost so many friends. its so sad. my life is really meaningless. i may perform in studies. but whats that without friends? without anyone beside you?

its like i need someone there for me. i'm not asking for a perfect person. i dont ask for someone thats as white as snow. i only ask for someone who can help me through. a friend. a past best friend. a new interest. a new friend. someone to take me for real. its something i require. i cannot take it that people underestimate you. that people discriminate you according to gender, race, religion, age. why are there racists? sexists? ageists? why?! its not that i dont do that kinda discrimination. i'm guilty. but why to those you know? i dont go around discriminating Johanna because she's german and i stereotype them because of Hitler. do i? i dont do that.

anyways. i'm thankful for the time Douglas, Shane and i shared at cold rock. it was meaningful. one of the most real topics of the world i discussed today. i'm uncovering a new side of me. one that is interested in the world. politics, current affairs. this may bore you and you may go "ewww" but this is the fact. people change. and maybe its time for many of us, to change... (:

note. when i laugh like "haha" doesnt mean i'm really laughing. thats stupid, insane, ridiculous thinking. when i smile like "(:" i am not really smiling. thats stupid as well. and when i "lol" obviously, i'm not laughing out loud for goodness sakes. my reason for saying this? its because i think that everyone needs to know the things we do to make others happy. the simple things. the details. the details i note. just to liven the mood, to assume an atmosphere fir for conversing. its a sacrifice i take, that i make.

Boston - Augustana


but you'll never get it, its okay. ego is always bigger than the brain and the heart. thats how humans are. oh well. sad innit? ahhh. anyways. here's Boston. if you didnt feel moved while reading the above stuff, please read it again while listening to Boston. it will change that feeling. engage with the music. feel the music. see that colour. close your eyes. visualise it. see what I see....