Only Hope...

hello fellow reader.

lets start things off with my random song of the day, Mandy Moore's Only Hope. its a song that i absolutely loved. call it girly, stupid, horrible, gay, whatever. i like it and its really moving. its also really touching. and if you did watch the movie, A Walk To Remember, you'll love this song also. its the most amazing song that she has done, i believe.

Mandy Moore - Only Hope



today, had church and went for Prayer Meeting at 3.30, and then had service till like 8. Pastor Phil Pringle was awesome. his message was so strong and so relevant, really, i was touched. i did not weep, but i did tear. anyways. going for tomorrow's service at JW at 12.30 and then having water baptism class at 3 with Carl and Joel. righty.

i dont know what is really happening to me. i'm sorry, i'm feeling emotional. okay? dont question me with "you just went to church how can you feel sad?" yes, its true that when i go to church sad, i come out happy. but no, i went to church happy, came out happy but i grew sad. its really queer how quickly we tend to have mood swings. how fast it takes. i have said this a million times, non exaggerated. i really feel that my friends around me are diminishing, that i have an increase in acquaintances and just a handful or less true friends. and out of these friends, there are some that disappoint you so much. some that hurt you even as you give out that much trust. some that dont reciprocate your every feelings. some that are so insensitive to your feelings. some that completely dont understand you. its just really saddening to realise that you are left with nothing at the end of the day.

sometimes i pray so hard for you, sometimes i cry out so much. but no one knows. even as i ask God to help me, i still think that its something that wont be mine. something that isnt destined. something out of my league. i never wanted to be anybody else. i just want to be special. special in everyone's life. someone who is different, someone who is understading. someone who can be there for you. those memories that we all had, wash it down the drain now? isnt that a waste of the time we shared together? at this moment, i can probably say that i only have one friend i keep in constant contact with.

Johanna. even though you're thousands of miles away, i know that you'll be there for me when i need you. thanks for caring so much. Germany is a far place, with different times. i've had a lot of fun talking to you. sharing my few opinions with you. you're the best-est friend i've made over MSN without meeting ever! (: haha. that will change.

Weijin, you'd be here for me and i would really be touched if you were, but its alright. you're in Australia, changing lives as you go. (: gosh i feel like crying. even though you might be the most innocent, i mean, used to be the most innocent guy i knew, you're still the most true person. the most humble i've seen ever..

Mag, you've been a great help without knowing. like Pastor said, through these trials, we emerge stronger, victoriously. i believe that my trial will come to an end soon. thanks for being there with Kezia to bullshi* my life so much. hah.

Ernest, you've been really nice to accompany me out when you've got like tonnes of better things to do. you can really brighten my day a lot. thank you for being there for me. (:

Xenia, i know that sometimes i may disappoint you. but know that its not deliberate. sometimes, we change, and maybe its time to change for me? i dont know. maybe you're going through something that i cannot accept. but i'll learn to accept you, and all my friends the way they are.

Ryan, you're so busy nowadays, i've not had a chance to catch up for a while. you moved out of sight in my life for a long time, its not a big thing, but having known each other for so long, its sad to know that we dont talk that much.

Kiewu, you're millions of miles away, working so laboriously, havent had time to catch up either. bitch partner, maybe its not forever, but i miss you as my bitch. my shopping partner. the person who keeps telling me that i "live in orchard" ((: i really miss you.

Cecelia, you're the nicest girl to go out with, anything also can one! hah. love you girl.

Sylvia, you were nice too, but you really disappeared so fast. i still remember the few laughs we had. (:

Shuya and Ilona, my previous 2 besties. you guys are in JC's now, new group of friends, i cant hold you back. (: i really love you guys. love for me comes easy. i love all my friends. i REALLY feel like crying. sigh.

Kenneth. i dont know what to really say. you've brought a lot of happiness to my life. all your nonsense. lol. chinese songs. haha. you're taking O's this year. study hard.

Cheryl Teo! sister! i miss you a lot. you're a great help when i needed you especially in Secondary school. thanks for being there for me. i hope to catch up with you. i miss you girl!

Fanny! i lost you as a good friend long time ago. like during my early secondary 4, i lost you. dont know if you know why, but yeah. i miss you as a friend. lets meet up soon alright!

Delia! this girl is like Cheryl T. i never really did get to know her very well. yeah. but she's really fun to be with i know. LETS GO OUT SOON DELIA!

Kah Hao. bro. its been a very very long time i caught up with you. where have you gone to? i dont think i've seen you online in like thousands of years uhh! but i hope you do well for your O's this year too! (:

Aryani. girl, you're the best. you know right? you know everything in my life. you're the one who i tell everything. every single detail. but you've gone missing from my life too love. i dont know why..? but i really miss talking to you. in fact, i feel like ringing you know. lol. rahrs. i hope you'll still be here for me.

this isnt really any kinda dedication thing. for many of the people i named above, i really love you guys. treasure you a lot in my life. Aryani, you're there for me always. thank you for being there for me. many of you i miss dearly. if you're not mentioned, its not that i dont miss you. i do, but maybe you never made a big mark in my life. no, dont stop trying, i never wana stop having friends. its something i struggle on a day to day basis with that problem.

is it so hard to find someone in this era? why is it so hard? hmm. maybe its not time for me. maybe i should keep waiting, since no one's ready to take things on.