The Going On's.

Rachel Bilson's new look is ugly.
Work wasnt as tiring as yesterday.
managed to last till 6, still robust.
i love working, closing files. so fun.
Property in singapore is expensivo.
cell group tomorrow.
free on friday. book me aft 6p.m
watched Meet The Spartans today. dont watch it. super lame.
rather moodless now. i know the reason why, but......
my aunt drives so slowly to work.
she said Paris Hilton's Stars Are Blind is a nice song. catchy.
but she also said her personality sucks.
my stomach rumbles. i sense an imminent stomach upset.
i'm perspiring profusely. and.....
i shall end my weird post.
i love you.

The Job.

Hello people!!!



its been a while since i've started with that 2 words. but anyways. today, started working at my aunt's place. well, no, it doesnt belong to her. if Rajah and Tann belonged to her, i would be a lawyer now. -.- anyways. yes, started working at R&T. and basically, i'm closing files. no, not the action. the technical stuff. ensuring there isnt any...you know what, i shouldnt even explain. anyways. i'm beat tired, back aches. and i'm gonna have a good rest tonight. (: i closed 42 files today i think.






anyways. i edited some of the pictures taken of me. its been a LONG time since i had a picture taken of myself. i mean like, i was always the photographer. until recently again. thanks xenia. (: hah. righty. anyways. i'll be going for cellgrp on thursday after work. probably leave at 6 punctually, and take an MRT to Kathib. have dinner and then CG! hah. righty. but i gotta leave by like..10.30 latest. like seriously. i cant hang around. lol. will explain to Jo.




okay. i dont really have much to say actually. its queer. sigh. i dont know. life is still moving on with out without a special someone. i cant afford to let my world crumble because of it. i'm sorry if i disappointed you, if you were expecting me to do more than this. ): but i really got to move on with life. maybe you should too. its not like its out last goodbyes. i will still see you, still be awesome friend to you. (: thank you for all you've done for me.



right. hmm. kays. i shall end off my post here. tell me what you think of the pictures. esp the one at the phone booth. (((: hahah.








thats it!
love you all!

The Oscars 2008

Yes, the oscars are over. but lets see what stars wore to the grand event. (:



Anne Hathaway looking gorgeous in red.



cameron diaz. i absolutely love her candid shot with that clutch of hers. (:



you've just gotta love Jennifer Garner! she's so stunning in black and that clutch is just matching so well! with that necklace too. wow.



already into her third trimester, Jessica Alba is so elegant!!!



Penelope Cruz looks beau-ti-ful!!




Heidi Klum looks HOTTT! haha. even after 3 kids. lol. super hot..



Ellen Page, kinda looks like Emma Watson to me. lol. she's the one who acted in Juno.



Helen Miren, although old, looks rather young in this custom made dress. lovely.



Renee Zellwegger! her tight dress looks nice huh. that shimmery diamondeffect. lol. but..oh well. lol.

The Aftermath.

the above song is, as written, Planetshaker's "Beautiful Saviour" its a beautiful song for THE beautiful saviour. its one song you can keep singing without getting sick of. well, technically, most worship songs are. lol. i'm in love with the song right now. its blissful. its pure, its renewal to me.

anyways. i just knocked my knee(cap) against the underside of the table. now theres a small scar, but the kneecap hurts more. lol. ouch. stupid kneecap. lol. anyways. woke up really late today. 3p.m but dont worry. wont be doing so for much longer. i'm starting work again tomorrow, from 9 onward. hope its a job i'll stick too.

watched Jumper yesterday with Ilona and her friends. glad i did watch it. it was a good movie. Hayden Christensen and Rachel Bilson. hawt, if you know what i'm talking about. lol. we were saying if they acted in P.S. I Love You instead of the slightly disgusting Hilary Swank. but i guess, after watching Boys Don't Cry, where Hilary Swank played that ewww guy, i guess she fits this role perfectly. but i, somehow, dont really like her. lol. never mind.

next movie looking forward to is Meet The Spartans and Becoming Jane. Becoming Jane is a film starring the always beautiful Anne Hathaway. hopefully, it goes well. other movies that are a 100% look forward to is STEP UP 2: THE STREETS! haha. yes cant wait for it! The Bucket List, Vantage Point, August Rush and The Waterhorse are given a 4,3,4,4 out of 5 respectively by March Lime Issue.

Star and celebrity i wana talk about today is Delta Goodrem. She's stunning with that silky golden hair. well, we call it blonde nowadays dont we? Yes, we know that Delta has gone through much, having been diagnosed with Cancer at only 18 years of age. she battled it out, and is in remission now. Thank goodness because this beautiful woman is sure to spark up our music industry with songs that are so moving and heart-wrenching. If you dont know who Delta is, think the song sung with Brian McFadden, Almost Here. Her single which was released a while ago, "In This Life" is a nice song. The video, more like an advertisement for chairs, shows Delta in good shape. I hope Delta reigns in the industry for a while more. She's so delicate, exactly like an angel. All hopes to her.

In the March issue of Lime, released on pages 8 and 9. Paris Hilton's whole "boob" thing. mind blowing. and how about Jesse Metcalfe?! the hunk got a blow fro Taryn Manning's guy, Mams Taylor. whoever they really are. Charlize Theron looks stunningly beautiful though. and what is the whole war between 50Cent and Fat Joe?! OBVIOUSLY 50'S GONNA WIN DUHHH. lol. hah. have you heard? the Beckhams are gonna adopt a child from Sierra Leone. they probably watched Blood Diamond and decided that they wanted a son from there to join the other three. awwww, how sweet right?

On page 9 of the issue showcases some prettily claded women. Ali larter didnt look like herself. Kate Hudson looks stunning. Victoria Beckham looked wonderful in her orange matched heels and whatever she really was wearing. lol. i feel that Kylie Minouge looked a little too Roman though. but that's just me. hayden Panettiere! HAWT! hah.



If you havent already seen the Movie Poster for Step Up 2, i think the girl, Briana Evigan is HOTTT! haha. She's only 21, and well, there's Robert Hoffman, and there's CASSIEEE! hahaha. so yes, its a must right? lol.

alright. i have come to the end of today's post. blog later.
lotsa love!

Broken Pieces.

ever felt like you were putting a puzzle together? ever felt like you alone had to struggle against time to fit those missing planes with a piece of that old, fragrant wood? ever felt like you were in a race against time to finish something? ever felt that those pieces had more meaning than just a game? ever felt that your life was that very puzzle you were struggling to complete? ever felt as if you didnt know which piece to place in that space? ever fitted the wrong piece in an empty lot? ever found yourself at the brink of giving up? or rather, ever given up?

life really is like a puzzle. we struggle our everyday lives to finish a bit of it. yet, unknowingly, sometimes you're on the wrong path. i dont regret my decision i made 2 months and a half ago. it was something i chose. a decision i made and i bear full responsibility for its outcome, the consequences. i dont grieve. i take it as a learning insight. a lesson in life. it does hurt sometimes. dont you cry at the things you lost in the fire? needless to say, it was precious to you. but now, its just a faded memory. i'll always remember how it was. that faded picture. wasnt no pretty face on the wall. wasnt anything like that. it meant more. an impact. something i had longed for. at the beginning. and yet, it turned out so sour. it turned out so painful. it turned out full of breakdowns. it turned out full of misunderstandings.

i dont know what image you are forming of me in your mind. someone who regrets every decision i make? someone who makes use of others just to gain something for his benefit? someone who is so casual with everyone? someone who didnt take you seriously? no. i dont think i really did any of those. i took it all to my heart. i meant everything i said. its not a blaming session. i'm not blaming no one. it wasnt anyone's fault. maybe sometimes life just twists too much you rarely understand the reason, barely have the chance to react with realistic judgement. that thing i lost in the fire, it wasnt just a memory. it was like my heart. now, broken into many pieces. shattered by confusion. not hate, not anger, not sadness. confusion. i wasnt broken by anguish. it was confusion and dejectedness.

my mind so jumbled up. its complex. i dont know my current situation well. i dont know how to react to it with discretion. i dont know if what i'm doing is even right. sigh. why does life have so many many many irritable downfalls? why cant it just be clear cut ? no, i'm not being an ignorant fellow. i just wish that it would be easier. its taxing to be in my predicament. i'm overwhelmed by confusion now. sigh. this is getting really tiring. the daily basis of procrastination. the every day lies. the every day excuses. its compulsive now. its become a habit if you dont realise. putting things off.

i dont know where i'm bringing this entry to. my day didnt turn out that very happy. i expected to be a least bit happy. it wasnt even close to elation. it was just the passing through of the day. constant brain boredom plagued me. i was like a child that was deprived of his daily sugar intake. my person was just so unhappy inside even though i appeared fine. its not your fault. not anyone's fault. sylvia saw me. she said my eyes looked different. well, you know what they say right. the widow to a person's heart if through their eyes. i guess she saw a glint of truth.

i dont feel used. i dont feel stupid. that, are all UNDERSTATEMENTS. i feel dejected, i feel pathetic. i feel lousy. i feel ridiculous. everything i do just turns out like shit. everything i try to do just isnt enough is it? its never ever enough. i dont wana make my presence known so much so that its recognised by people everywhere. i just wana be appreciated. i feel like a burden. i feel like an old broom in the corner of the room. useless. you get me? i am like a liability at times. a depreciating asset. its silly to think in such a way. i'm like a mood spoiler. i dont know. thank you everyone for encouraging me. but sometimes, actions speak louder than words. words without actions are void. its invalid. its useless. pointless to even make statements and comments in that case.

no. i am not thinking of committing suicide. i just feel lousy. i'm sorry. its not deliberate of course. i am just so tired of life. those trials and tribulations. those tumultuous eras. sigh. its all just a milestone away.



these eyes wont tear,
these ears wont hear.
the mind wont lose,
head's on the noose.
heart shaken, to give,
a story, i will live.

Stupid Me.

i dont know whats wrong with me today. everything i say, every word and sentence i utter seems to come out wrong. somehow, just by sheer luck, seem to hurt someone. i'm sorry to all of you. really. i dont know whats getting into me. its just really stressful living a life where you go around and unknowingly, hurt so many people. the 3 of you. sorry. really. i never knew my tongue was so sharp. i never knew that my words were so peppered with deathly traps that i pull people down with me.

the day has been, again, boring. nothing to look forward to. its like i'm living a life that is coming to an end. i swear, i havent had a good meal in 3 days. its either eaten by someone, eg, my sister. or it sucks, like my lunch today. insipid and exactly like a desert. its like my meal itself was lifeless. i mean, i wake up, open my eyes and first thing, i cant see well. the stupid corrective lenses. thank you. and then, i wash up, come down to find lunch (because i've so conveniently skipped breakfast) and then i find dry food, almost unfit for humans to eat. and so i happily gorge it down. yummy. absolutely delectable.

then, i start checking my mails, both internet and postage. nothing much. whole lot of advertisements on viagra, blah blah blah. then i move on, no one's online. everyone's working, or in school. the rest are out, already, shopping. and so i live a deprived life with nothing to really look forward to. why? thats because after using the comp, i go to watch tv, and play the piano. and play with the animals. and then it repeats. computer,tv, piano,computer,tv,piano. and then an occasional SMS comes in. and then repeat routine. see, really. what is there to look forward in my everyday life.

dear reader, i know you're concerned about me. but please dont pity me. its a state i drove myself into. hah. right. and dont advise me. because i myself, i know what i should be doing. i know what i need to do. and then i start pissing people off. my braces are killing me, i find it so hard to eat. and yet, when i chance upon a morsel of edibility, i find it disgusting. every bite hurts okay. and thinking that it would be satisfying, you bite, a sacrifice you make. and then you realise its just horrid.

i dont know. me ranting daily about my boring life. its just predictable. i dont know what else to say. really. maybe i should just live in seclusion. i really feel like going on a holiday. to somewhere i can relax. somewhere i love. i wouldnt mind NZ. i felt like crying just now. its stressful you know. staying alive. and i just wana enjoy the time i have while i'm still alive. its so hard to find friends nowadays.

yes. i'm back at my friendship problems. always at the top of the list. someone asked me why i have so many problems with friends, quite long ago. do you think i wana deliberately wana create a rift between my friends? so i can bitch about them? why would i do such a thing? well, its maybe because people dont like the way i am. my tone. my everyday moods. my personality, character. i dont know. am i so hate-able? what makes people loathe me? detestable in any way? i dont know. but its not my decision for sure. if you have tonnes of friends around you, count yourself lucky. you're either rich, good looking or just simply, charismatic. but i'm probably none of that. i dont look down upon myself. i have trudged through life knowing what i was going through. i make my stand everyday. and its just disappointing that people misunderstand me. really.

i'm sensitive. yes. and i'm sensitive as and when necessary. i am not overly sensitive. although i'm still 16, i have gone through much more than you know. my face isnt a mere representation of the hardships i live through. you might think "oh, he's just making things up, exaggerating". but really, a person's maturity level grows as they learn. i've not grown a lot recently, but i understand people. i try to make it better for both parties. but it takes 2 hands to clap. not just one. if you dont feedback to me an echo when i react, then i'll never know who you really are. i try so hard everyday. but your attitude reflects a nonchalant person. its degrading. its heartbreaking. its painful you know? that every time i try to do something, its really, simply ignored. i dont know what i can do now. its come a time where i stand alone, again, at this crossroad and make yet another decision.

crazy. its all i can say. and sorry. is all i can say too.
i'm confused. i'm in pain somewhere, although i dont know.




as the grains of sand fall,
to us, they're small and non bother.
but to each, its like a needle.
the same thing can be both,
only if you allow it.
the road opens up twice.
and bent double, i still walk.
a pain of hardship,
a soul full of tears.
crying alone, for as long and as long
peace be unleashed,
cover thyself in rekindlement.
sowing a seed, that longs to strain.

Beyoncé Knowles - Crazy In Love

i chanced upon this video while watching MTV. and i thought she was AMAZING! she's such a talented, hot, sexy artist! Jay-Z must be super super happy uh! aha. this was shot in 2007. powerful vocals still evident. (: haha. if she EVER came to singapore, i'd buy category A tickets ((: ahahaha. call me crazy if you want. she's good. haha.

her stage presence and aura is just so captivating. its wonderful! i think at times, she looks like tyra banks. like really. absolutely gorgeous. in this video itself too, lots of scenes she does look like tyra. haha. yeahs. anyways. do let it load, and enjoy the video. and everyone enjoys the whole bootylicious derrière shaking eh? lol. sexy. (:

love.

Shine On, please.

I know its true.
its like a kite in the sky.
once its played,
its done - gone.
leave the strings where they were,
for left behind is no soul, no more.
its ended.
its flown away.
that very object of fantasy.
that very piece of love.
that very place of security.
that very person of affection.
now, devoured.



i hope that it isnt how it is. the world isnt a perfect place. my life isnt wonderfully built up. its not planned the way i want it to be. things wont, and dont go according to me. sometimes you gotta rely on the others. but if the other is dead, if the other is void. if the other is somewhat, invalid, so to call, disabled. then what am i to do? am i to take more initiative? am i to bear the consequence of the soon demise of it? am i to get down on my knees and plead you even more than i've done? am i to be your rag? am i to sacrifice my whole life as an "offering" in order for you to accept me the way i am and then try to change? do i need to be the only one to try my best? to struggle through everyday feeling disappointed? am i going through this alone? do i have an allegiance? when you told me everything. when i even took that chance, making myself ever so vulnerable after several misjudgments i'd made before. is this is what i deserve for being so honest with you? is this how i wanted things to go? if only you opened up. if only you started talking to me. if only, if only. sometimes i wish these "if only's" become reality. if only THESE would all disappear and my life be perfect in a pair. i dont know why i'm crumbling down at the base. i dont know what's making me think such things. i dont even know what i am talking about, what i even want. maybe sometimes, its not only for myself. maybe sometimes i should start thinking about others more. sacrifice myself being a learned person, yet, closing both eyes, acting dumb just for your pleasure. maybe that way i might accept the attitude better. maybe that way, i can accept the character much easier. maybe i dont even know you that well. maybe the actual thing i disgust might lie in part of you. sometimes, i wonder why. really. what made me. sigh. i mean, i made the decision before. its a decision i promised to never break. and i dont want to sidetrack because of a mere distraction. its a decision not worth it. its really pointless. and i dont even know what to do now. i dont even know what you're thinking about for goodness sakes. sometimes, i wonder what the world has come to. i wonder why even though you give up so much for someone, things can still NEVER EVER work out just because they're as stubborn as mules. its sad. really. heartbreaking because it was a kin to me. a heartbeat. now, the other beat is missing. its like my life that i wanted to be so perfect is shattered. i dont even know anything, anymore.


right. anyways. that whole long winded wordy paragraph above, if you dont get it. then be happy. because i'm not talking about you then. dont even bother asking me who's it about. dont even aggravate the situation in my heart more. i am a person who solves many problems on my own. this is no great stumbling block in my path. i'll handle it myself. thank you for even reading up to this point. i'm really appreciated you even bother reading through my daily rants. i dont even know why i blog. why? i know i blog to express myself. its like a forum. MY forum. a place where i wana voice my thoughts to the world if they wana read. and i know its a deposition of my different emotions. my heartfelt pains and joys, as evident above.

no. i wont say that today was a bad day. it was actually, rather okay. i dont know what made my mood swing a 180degrees down. other than the fact that my teeth really really hurt, everything has been rather okay. really. what the fuck is wrong with me. sigh. i dont know. i'm sorry i'm being a bitch.

this is getting worse by the lines. sorry for this entry. know its bad, but i'm still gonna post it.
love.

That Broken Down Radio.

as i wonder to myself.
my heart finds a door
so cold to the touch.
so warm to the eyes.
as i wonder even more,
a reason of speculation overcomes.
a sea of doubt, a deluge of betrayal.
and i cover it up, in anguish.



hello people.
been listening to emo songs. lol. have you heard Secondhand Serenade's "Maybe"? i think its a nice song. Secondhand Serenade is an alternative band, and the music happens to be mostly very emo. and yeah, their single now, "Fall For You", which is even more emo. hah. right. and of course. thanks to Sara Haniz. "Mary Jane" by The Click Five. yeah. its another sad sad song. sigh. my mood is so so unright.

stopping work already. cant mann the desk for so long being a idiot. lol. i guess its just not the right job for me. hmmm. well, like i listed in the previous post, my new options. hah. righty.

something's bothering me really. badly. sigh. you know how sometimes you just always jump into conclusion? i mean, its not good, its not right to assume. but sometimes you subconscious mind over-dominates your conscious one, and hence, you start thinking about stuff you shouldnt even be thinking of. its just a thorn in my skin. its irritating me. i dont even know why. i just am so vulnerable to it. sigh. bitch wound. lol. i dont know why sometimes people just refuse to explain themselves on the spot and procrastinate. its so fucking irritating. sometimes you just need a REASON. not a "i'll tell you next time". its not what i need to pacify me and get me through the day. arghh. whatever.

I Nine has come out with their new single on iTunes, like, finally. lol. "Seven Days Of Lonely" is a song that most Avril Lavigne fans would love. i thought she sounded a little like Avril at the beginning. like really similar. lol. go give it a listen. i think you'll like it.

Leona Lewis is releasing her next single, "Footprints In The Sand" with a B-side of "Better In Time". sigh. i like footprints in the sand. its really powerful. its a very amazing power ballad. its very very "moving" as she said. Better in time is a "no,no" for me. lol. dont like it.

if you havent heard, Lindsay Lohan has done a Marylin Monroe photoshoot - nude. yes. Lindsay is finally getting back onto the path to recovery and back to be an awesome artist. i dont know why i even love Lindsay so much. haha. she has pigmentation, isnt that very skinny. hmmmm. lol. anyways. wishing her all the best in her future. (:

Someone recommended me another song, Its by Courtney Jaye i think, and its entitled "Can You Sleep". basically, its one of another emo song. you know the thing about me, is that i dont really appreciate lyrics. i appreciate the tone of the song. how its composed. i dont care about the lyrics unless its really corny, and really cheesy. lol. so yeah. if i ever make errors in mistaking a love song for an emo breakup song, i apologise. lol.

got my teeth done today. gosh. he's brutal. he did a 14 chain i think?! on my top teeth. its hurting like shit now. i swear, he's sadistic. lol. he was like "is it tight?" and i was like :"YES!!" and he laughed and said "good". lol. idiot. knowing well that i wont be able to eat properly for the next few days. grrrr. anyways, its give and take. sacrifices need to be made, as usual.

i'm sorry for being so weird and random today. i shall end this post here.

The Drops.

as i come to the end of time
my heart yearns for rest.
my person longs for peace.
a safe haven for me.


today has been the MOST tiring day of the whole year thus far. i am SO SO SO tired!! the job is so so so sucking my blood! its sucking my energy dry! as it is, i hardly make it through the day without feeling tired, when i'm at home. and now, even when i'm at bugis, working from a nice, air-conditioned environment, i still am plagued so deathly by lethargy! sigh. life is full of unknown trials and tribulations. its sapping.

i dont know how long i'm gonna continue having this job. but anyways. i'm still looking for prospects. currently, still making a decision between the photo printing and the office job. hmmm. i guess i will consider slowly.

anyways. i have happy news! okay. i got into Ngee Ann Poly's Banking and Finance!! (: hahaha. i'm kinda glad. i mean, i kinda guessed i would make it in. but its just a load off my chest after i finally find out where i am posted to. anyways. i'm sorry, if any of my tenses are wrong, or there are any errors, forgive me. i must be really REALLY tired. ): also in business and accountancy school is hianjing, xenia, kiewu, cheryl teo, joshua chong, zhi rong, wen li, and others i dont know. many of us pretty much dominated and are gonna invade NP. lol.

i dont know whats happening to me. hmmm. i am at the wrong places, doing the wrong things, at the wrong time. i feel so tired, my life is kinda screwed up. i dont know what to do in order to salvage my pathetic situation. i feel like just breaking down and saying sorry to every one i have hurt. )): the emotional swing really swung really fast. yeah. feeling a bit emotional now, i'm sure you'd have realised.

tomorrow. having dental again. putting back my lime green. (: again. finally. lol. i hope i can take it off real soon. its hideous. cant stand it sometimes. its abrasive you know? like sometimes someone hits you in the face, it leaves an abrasion on the inner part of your mouth,which usually develops into an oral ulcer. ouch right? sigh. and i just dont like the metal bits anymore. up till now, i still dont understand why some people have huge things for guys with braces. its just either really disgusting or the girl has bad hygiene. okay. seriously. what am i even ranting bout? sigh.

i should stop. anyways. talked to Phil today. (: been a long time eh, mate? i mean, mon cher. lol. anyways, i dont really have much to say before i end off. so thats for today.

lovelove

My Underwater.

a hectic yet merry day that ends in happiness more than lethargy.

yesterday had been a tiresome one. i went for my telemarketing training. its really interesting. a very direct insight into the whole business world. like how transactions and customer service is essential in this whole multi-billion, or even trillion US dollar (yes kiewu, i borrowed this line from Devil Wears Prada) industry. and its appalling to see haphazard service being provided with little or no personal interest in making things happen. sometimes, singaporeans are just poor representations of good tertiary industry candidates. okay. maybe i'm exaggerating. maybe i've used a few words slightly out of context. but you get the picture.

well, my day started off rough. woke up late, took a cab thats rough cuz i've got little finances left at hand and hence, arrived, still, late for my appointment with Charles, who so happened to be attending to another customer even 20 minutes after i had arrived. oh well, i guess priority must be given to those who are older. its the whole seniority thing isnt it? its the whole "i give priority to those who are older" thing huh. its just the normal discrimination, right? and hence, i had to take a cab to bugis to meet cecelia where we went for the training.

anyhoots. i'm starting to work from today onward. 7p.m-10p.m so i'll always be unavailable from that time frame. but you know, people rarely even wana book me, and even if anyone does once in a very very blue moon, they still dont book me at 7p.m. so, yeah. i kinda think my post today is a little meaningless. i talk about things that are totally impertinent to any issue and my topic is just way off. but you know what, i dont care. i like it the way it is, and no, i'm not gonna delete this entry.

results of posting due in a few hours time. sweat breaking out of the those sweat glands. chills constantly sent down my spine. yeah right. i'm not THAT nervous. lol. i have faith that i will do well. (: hahah. so, we'll see. i still hope that i make it into my BFS ((: sad thing, there are many seniors in BFS NP. and, its kinda. well. not really intimidating, but something more like i dont look forward to seeing so many seniors. its just like i dont want to. maybe its due to the fact that they are from different cliques i hang with. and mixing with them isnt on the top of my desired list. anyways. i may seem to be sprouting nonsense, and i may seem to be making lots of sense. but like shakespeare knew, its a bi-polar view of the world. there are always more than one side to everything. perspectives. so, it really depends on how you view and imagine this. let you imagination run wild. just remember, i never did pin point anything. (:

well. if you want to subscribe to starhub cable tv/ maxonline, do come to me. i'll try to sell it to you if i'm interested at all.

oh. i heard some news about...someone today. and well, like cecelia said, dont know whether to laugh or cry. to be happy? or sad. hmmm. its just what goes around comes around. karma. i dont believe in it. but i believe that what you do to others is what you'll get back in return. its like you reap what you sow! so. be careful yeah. the next person might just be you. =X

havent done this ever at all this year. have i? no, wait, i did. lol. but its been a while. didnt do this, this month i think. or did i...? hmmmm. anyways. its vague and probably makes no sense. but it does to the poet, to the author, to the writer.

the confusion in the heart of love,
lends a hand to pain, anguish. frustration, lust.
a plain that once lay empty
now grows with many a weed, and a single daisy.
though pretty - but weak.
though hardy - but ugly, many
life so near to thy heart.
secrets so far from thy ears.
hearts so troubled by it,
people running from reality and truth.


STUPID TAGBOARD STILL CANT WORK. URGHHH


well, thats it.
lotsa love.

Pictures Today.

Bold red rose,edited it blackand white, like the one below too. hope its nice. lol.



edited this black and white too. no i didnt buy a bouqet of roses. lol. it was my sister's. yeah.



the dried up/withered roses. taken from an interesting angle. i like the macro input.



the many withered rose blooms. of different colours. i like this picture. enhanced the colours quite a bit, made it look bolder.



Our haunt. a gathering place for many of us. holds fun times we all had together. (:



eh. nothing much to say about this. lol. just an interesting angle due to the intriguing design on the chair. lol.



the rose that was bought for cecelia by me! edited the colours and enhanced it. i like the pink/peachy rose.



i absolutely LOVEEEE this picture! dont you like it too..?




This is a picture taken by Johanna ((: from Germany. outside her house. lol. i edited it and i hope it looks nicer now. lols. ((:



Road.



taken a while back. on the bus. i like it. ((:



an attempt at an iPod commerical. nahs. the girls just look so pretty. actually, more of hot. SYLVIA! CECELIA!



okay. nothing much to say about this. lol.



this.. hmmm. well. i havent much to say either. lol. its just beer. lol. the girls liked it for once. and, sorry about my eyes. lol.



this? one of the few "tau pok's" the guys did. intruiging. lol.




A short video.



chalet. well, it went okay. lol. i'll blog about it later uh haha. i'm kinda dead beat now. lol. so read up later! these are the pictures that look fine. i think. lol. the rest are either ugly or i doesnt look nice after editing. lol. okay. shalt end here. and blog later.

lotsa love..

Missing.

depressing. life is just so depressive. its like i'm addicted to being depressed. no, sadly, i'm not feeling high. you know, life is so short, yet, there are thousands of fucking obstacles that get in your way. and every time you overcome one, you feel much better....till the next one comes, which just happens to be round the next corner. the past 3 months have been trying months for me, times when i've had emotional days. no. not days. wars. emotional wars. times when i've had unsturdy moods. times when i just got so angry over nothing. total wreckage even. and yet, times when i loved so much. times when i felt so idiotic. times when i feel idiotic just the same as times when i feel so alone...(notice the tenses)

and now it comes to a point i dont know which i'm experiencing. now, i dont even know what is happening to me. now, i dont really know myself the way i used to be. sometimes i feel so fucked up due to the way i dont make it on time. due to the way i commit so many "crimes", and yet, knowing its wrong, i still do it. sometimes my boundaries arent bent. they're broken. like the Bible says, even if you know its wrong, you still choose to do it. why? is it because of sin? i mean, love,lust its all different. there isnt no fine line. its not fine. its bold. its a huge difference. and saying i didnt, really is an understatement. but you know what? i really am in no position to judge this.

i've done enough harm. i've said enough words. i've fucked my life up too many a time. i've done things that make it a skeleton in the closet. i've hurt enough people. i've run out of things to say. i just miss it all. "When you're gone, the pieces of my heart are missing you" sounds totally cliche. but its really sad how things unfold before you to spell "disaster". its depressing when you realise that you're left with nothing afterall. its degrading, no, not only degrading, but silly to bend down so low, to stoop down to pick up the things you've dropped along the way, knowing that giving it a chance would be futile. knowing that its another dream like the last you just forgot about. its all the same. that pretty face on the wall. that photo frame so similar to the way that you are - nice. but, sadly, nothing can be done.

sometimes fueling a flame, only makes it brighter. fueling it, gives it hope of burning longer, brighter. you dont just fuel it when and wherever you want to. and after you fuel it, do you just run away? or stay on to watch it burn, dancing in happiness? think about it. when you give hope, you dont abandon ship straight away. you stay around to see if everything is in order. i guess its just the way things move. cant blame anyone at all for the changes in life. but i'm just breaking down inside. hurts really bad. havent really had an honest post in a while huh. well this is one, long and wordy post. probably a rant to get it off my chest.

i dont know what the esscence of this post is anyway. i dont know what my underlying message really is. i dont know what i'm really trying to do. to attract attention? to be stupid because people will laugh and say that i'm "too sensitive" and what not. i guess seizing the opportunity in my life, in my scenario was really important. but now that its far far away, its pointless to cry over spilt milk isnt it? well, thats the bitter truth about it. craving it does me no help. it just drowns my hope just the same. so, facing the truth of it would be the best option. living it out, the hard way. rubbing some dirt on it. shake myself up, be a better person or, whats left of a person that is.

well. i guess my emotional post or whatever it might seem like, has come to an end. no purpose. a hopeful audience. an impact i'd rather not know, but hope to be surprised. best of luck. treasure every moment you have. it comes only once in a lifetime.

MUSIC!

hey people!

have you heard AVIRL LAVIGNE'S ACOUSTIC VERSION OF WHEN YOU'RE GONE?! its like the most awesome track! ahah. yeah. call me slow or whatever you plese, i still love the old song. lol.

oh, and. i just listened to Cascada's singles(or cover tracks) after Truly Madly Deeply. there's What Hurts The Most. its okay. i dont like the whole techno-ish part. prefer the rendition by Rascal Flatts. right? lol. sorry if i made errors. Then there's What Do You Want From Me. awesome track. the trio are just ROCK HARD MANNN! haha.

Melee has a new song. its entitled "Can't Hold On". its a good track. gonna start loving it soon. gonna start ditching J.Lo's "Brave", Jordin Spark's "No Air" and "One Step At A Time" soon. lol.

okay. gotta go pack for chalet! (:
love love.

-couldnt be bothered to think of a title-

Song Jiving To Right Now: One Step At A Time - Jordin Sparks


hey people.
valentine's day gone by. and today's cecelia's chalet starting day. ok. i swear, this blog entry's starting is horrible. anyhoots. lets talk about yesterday's V. Day.

yes. the very coveted perfect lover isnt gonna be there forever. this valentine's day, i wandered down the streets and found the annoying sight of innumerable lovers. i really wonder whats with these people? every girl was either carrying:
1. a stalk of rose (oh, how sad. only one?)
2. 2 or more up to 5. (sigh. at least she wasnt THAT cheap)
3. half a dozen roses! (nice number huh)
4. a dozen red roses!! (yip-pie i'm ecstatic)
5. more than a dozen roses (wow. he must be really rich)
6. ugly sun flowers (WHY SUNFLOWERS?!)
7. a ferrero rocher made flower bouqet.

well. technically, i should feel really lousy considering i never gave or received any. i mean, seriously. in every direction you turn, sweet loving couples practicing their "hand around waist", or "hand lock" techniques. why? does this world have no privacy? lol. i guess sometimes, people rather flaunt it huh. well. this doesnt disgust me. haha. what disgusts me is the whole "oh, i dont have a home, lets smooch here" thing. its kinda repulsive. i mean, a typically "hot" couple that does that would be like a good example of "this is how to kiss, hollywood actors." but those that look beyond gangster-ish, its just really overwhelming. you just cringe, grimace. thats your NATURAL reaction. lol.

right. okay. i didnt do much this valentine's day. lol. i just went for a search for people i knew in town. was hoping i'd chance upon a rare, possibly match-made couple. but, no i didnt. lol. how sad right? yea right. i'd rather not.

well. below all my volubleness, i'm actually a bit disappointed. i'm also a bit depressed. and i'm VERY confused. i really dont know what i should do from here. its like my predicament has no open routes for me. its like i need to fight this myself. i dont know. its actually rather stupid. you know how sometimes, when you need something so badly, its never there? but sometimes when you dont really need it, its there? its the whole "I NEED A DAMN CAB" situation! i mean seriously. isnt that like murphy's law or something? lol. okay. whatever. lol. like why does one moment, something seem so strong and big. and then the next, its like a new wave comes, at the old has disappeared. its like what you had was gone. its like... I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE! eurgh.

you know what? valentine's day 2008 has been a tiresome and lethargic, very horrendous day for me. i need to take a breather. maybe the chalet comes at the right time. i just need to get away. stop fussing about life so much. some problems of mine tend to be really stressful, but i just push em' aside. maybe its time i solved them so that there wont be any culmination at the end of the day.

anyways. looking forward to chalet tomorrow. fuck it. i'm just so worn out. ):
till then.

The 14th of February - V. Day

you know how much a rose costs on V. day? $10. you know how much it is for a guy to get his partner a dozen? $120. you know how much it is for a guy to get a dozen red roses at $120, a meal worth about $60++ and a small present? hmmmm. do the math yourself. sigh. the whole idea. its not entirely a gimmick, its more of an idea by those in the floral industry to raise the prices of flowers by 200% or more, a commercial gimmick, a way to earn extra cash. all the "Mothers' Days" and "Fathers' Days" are all gimmicks. urghh.



anyhoots. today, i went for the interview with cecelia and rebecca. finally met rebecca. anyways, its 15hours/week at 7 per hour. dont do the math this time. its not good to know my pay. lol. and that's before bonus (such as commission, etc). no extra working hours can be clocked. i guess he doesnt wana pay us TOO much, especially for a part-timer. lol. right. i'm not ecstatic about this job. but i guess its a good starting point for me. LOL. and there's cecelia to laugh with. hahah. righty.



anyways. after the interview, went to town with cecelia and bought some of my stuff. then we headed to holland village. cold rock. hahaha. christina worked today. anyhows. it was kinda hilarious. haha. there was the old woman that came in. she seemed really friendly, considering she made a fuss about everything mean, and then christina so suavely spited her. it was so funny. it was like a double-edged sword. haha. oh mann. i swear, the woman was talking to herself, giggling to herself. haha. and she wore shades throughout! and christina was like "haiyo, very dark hor." lols. oh my. it just tickles. lol.



anyhows. i bought 2 stalks of roses. bought one for cecelia. thats cuz she was with me. lol. christina doesnt need me to buy her a rose. lol. and sorry sylvia. i forgot about you. each rose was 10 bucks. lol. i bought the other one for my sister. i dont know why. lol. dont grill me with more boring questions about my sis. lol.



tagboard cant work. gahhh. this sucks. anyways. after holland, took a bus to ryan's house. caught up with him. talked a lot. seems like i've missed out on a lot of my friends' lives. its like a huge chunk is so different. i dont know. its kinda scary sometimes. i mean like someone you used to be so close to, and there's suddenly so much that's different. and this changed so fast?. i guess its another testimony that people change really fast. argh. reminds me of another friend. someone i wont mention. she changed so fast. right shus? i feel like i dont know her anymore. )): its sad actually. i treasure friendships. i dont give up one that easily.



right anyhows. before this becomes even more boring than it is, pictures posted up. hmmm. they were taken a few days ago. and yeah. i shall be editing some more i took today. probably post it up later. lol. but these are the ones i've done so far. ((:

HAPPY VALENTINES' DAY TO YOU ALL!!

with love.

My Tomorrow.

Yes. i complained to a few of my friends about the police. i still feel the same though my anger and frustration has simmered off. i find it incoherent and thus, ridiculous. i will say no more. but just as a note, if you get checked by the police/CID/CPIB etc, you'll be traumatised for the rest of your life, especially when the accusation is of higher "slander". see, i said accusation. not crime you committed. the slander upon the innocent is the one that traumatises. not the accusation of a crime you did commit.



anyhoots. pictures still being edited. i havent been finding time to edit pics, but have found time to do other stuff. its funny though. lol. and yet, i still complain i'm bored. maybe its becoming a passing statement that i just conveniently use to set the atmosphere when talking to people. why am i even going into such details today? i mean, its LATE(look at the time) and i am still ranting about stupid issues.



the potato picture(or the one with this mass in the middle of the picture) was sylvia's idea. (: haha. i didnt wana take a picture of a potato that fell onto the floor. that's kinda retarded ridiculous. =X oopsies sylv. lol. anyways. i got a message for sylvia. SYLVIA! get married soon because weihao is gonna scare all your potential HUSBANDS away. and dont even bother looking at those that are hot. they'll be long gone. lol. scary innit?



anyways, i'm gonna go with cecelia to the interview tomorrow. this time, we're both gonna be interviewed. telemarketing. i swear, i'm so ridiculous. i havent found a job since school closed last November. lol. pathetic huh? DONT U DARE AGREE WITH ME THAT ITS PATHETIC! sighh. lol. sad. anyways. i dont know. telemarketing isnt really my job. my chinese sucks. and usually, you need to be at least bilingual.



caught up with ryan. its been a LONG time i've talked to him. anyways. i suddenly feel like catching up with friends is beneficial for me. considering i'm not gonna be schooling until April, and i dont have friends i made from the PAE thing. sigh. oh i dont even know what in the world i'm talking about. lol. i think i talk too much sometimes. hahaha.



O level results of where we get into comes out 19th Feb. A level results rumored to be released next week. i wonder how my sis will do. well, fingers crossed, prayers whispered, i hope she does well. (: she's my sister afterall despite how effed up, sluttly, whore-ish she can be. but she's still my sister who smokes. (: lol.



right. okay. V.day is coming soon too! haha. happy couples out there, go give your valentine a kiss this year. guys, buy your valentines' a bouquet of a dozen red roses. how cliche. and girls, dont buy your valentine anything, expect to be whisked to the most romantic place on earth. how taxing it is for the guy. he has to plan the evening, buy lovely flowers, perhaps get a gift? lol. sigh. poor men. lol. anyways. those who arent paired this year, go out as a group! ((: haha. slack around in town or something. have some fun and not coop yourself up at home.



Cecelia's chalet this Friday-Sunday. cant wait! haha. many many people gonna be there. which spells? FUN!! hahaha. i am so glad cecelia had this idea. anyways. i'm still contemplating my lenses. what should i do? should i wear them all throughout? and church's on saturday. what time do i leave? maybe with xenia uh? hmmmm. anyhows. meeting them at 3.30 at Queenstown Mrt i think. haha. i'll check her blog later.

well. very long and wordy post today. hope you arent bored!
lotsa love!!

The Going Through's.

hey people.
its uber early in the morning at 4.26 now. and i'm blogging yes. lol.

went out today to visit at Kiewus'. i still think Kieyan is super funny-cute. lol. its like you just find him so not like his brother. firstly, not so "sissy-ish" and then more. lol. gahhhs. dont kill me kiekie. lol. i just am stating the fact. even Suern agrees ((: hahahahhaha.

oh. then went for dinner at SICC. and then met back at holland with Cecelia, Sylvia and Weihao. lol. we took pics, ate cake, drank some stuff taken from Sylvia's sister's party. lol. how nice of us right. (; sharing the joy. lol. and then we took pictures. and had our childhood back. sylvia has the evidence. lol. i shall put my pics on my blog much later. i feel ubbbber lazy. lol. and its late too. (: haha. then we went to Mark's house to "bai nian" and he gave us(cecelia and i) food. well, his mom more like it. and it was like second dinner for me. oh gosh. i feel fat. hahahahaha. that never happens okay. i NEVER get fat. lol.

anyways. i'm going with cecelia back to school to collect her pre-arranged testimonial written by Mrs Toh. lol. and then accompanying her to NP for her interview. anyways. whether she gets through or not, i wish her all the best! ((: we've done everything we could do. its all up to God now. (: alrightys. i think shalt end here. nothing to do much this whole week until friday. yes. chalet. (:

lotsa love.

Tell Me how I'm Supposed To Breathe With No Air.

hey people. its early in the morning on a saturday.
there's no church later. so yeah. lol. i guess i will be going out much later in the afternoon? i have no idea at all.

the day has been rather bad for me. i dont know. things just dont work out for me. i realise that the people around me determine whether my day is wrecked or whether it is a "happy" day. friends, strangers, random people. today. i encountered probably none of the good ones. its been rather depressing. like, my day was boring, and normal. and it didnt turn around much. i suffered and nursed a headache. and i didnt really have dinner. lost my appetite. didnt feel like eating. i have no idea whats wrong with me. lol.

anyways. many people chinese new year visiting still. oh please. i want the shops to OPEN AGAIN! i dont want all the restaurants to remian closed for so many freaking days. lol. my dad and i were talking about future work prospects. it was kinda interesting. i mean, like kiewu said, i cant work at this age, but i suppose when i grow up, when i'm a working adult, i hope to be successful. (: why am i talking about myself.. gahs.

I dont even know what to blog about. my mood is...dead,unbothered. my person is exhausted, tired. lethargic. really. i feel like doing something fun for today. lol.

URGH. the freaking army sent the stupid joint poly and SAF course thing. dont they get it?! we DONT NEED SUCH THINGS. i'm not gonna get a basic pay of 1000 after i graduate with a diploma. eurgh. stupid army. lol.

i'm sorry today's post has been uber boring. lol. i might blog later on in the day.

cheers!

Chinese New Year - Again.

Yet another lunar new year. as we welcome in bright fireworks and loud deafening fire crackers that go off along north bridge road, china town and other parts of singapore on its eve, a new year takes off - again. the year of the rat. ahhhh. delightful. wonder how the zodiac animals really came to be.



i didnt do much visitings, i just stayed a bit at home. all i can say is that we are starting to redefine tradition. the conservativeness is starting do decrease in many a heart. it marks a sign of change. but it also marks a sign of the loss of culture. take for example, sometimes we stop visiting a certain relative. isnt that a lack of tradition? going on a holiday from the eve to the 4th day of CNY. isnt that a change? when we should all be gathering together to "tuan yuan". or whatever it really is. i mean, simple things like that, we tend to focus wrongly. we tend to overlook its importance. why do people actually buy new clothes on CNY? have you ever asked yourself that? i did.



people buy new clothes on CNY because in the past, they were really poor. as paupers. and they could only afford to buy clothes ONCE A YEAR. and hence, a new year, marks the new clothe- buying. but we seize this opportunity to buy new clothes even though we constantly and continuously keep shopping throughout the year. see, yet another redefined culture. we cant blame this because we're becoming more affluent. the world has to urbanise, and technology will give rise to affluence, etc.



before this gets really boring. i want to say that CNY is always a time to catch up on those i tend to leave behind. and this year, i just feel like i've not done so. i am a person who is straightforward. my posts are direct. the only reason why you see so many words are cuz i explain it. i'm not longwinded or wordy deliberately. and when i say things, i say it from my heart. i dont MAKE THINGS UP. friends that read my blog, well, sometimes, if you're sensitive enough, you'll realise what i mean. but of course, if you're callous, you wont notice it at all.




i'm trying to improve my english. i learnt a few new words. well, might not be new for you. consider your english good. "Infidelity" and "Hussy" are the 2 i remember of the 10. LOLS. oh well. they are common words actually. not really Hussy. but Infidelity is really common. just please, dont use it on me. lol. i'm not a woman. lol. and i'm a person without infidelities. (:



okay. currently loving Jordin Sparks' and Chris Browns' "No Air". but still jiving to Cassies' "Is it You?" with that. i shall end.

love.

The Eve.

Today has been an alright day.
some things just flashing through my mind.
it worries me so much. i'm worried sick.
i dont know what to do.
smelling a rat? hah. right.
i blogged somewhere else. find it if you want.
its hard. i've got more than 8 blogs, abandoned,dormant and active.


took pictures today. (:
will edit them later and upload them.
my mood? its actually rather okay now.
just scared, and a bit angry. very curious.

My Bad.

today has been rough. it started off rocky and boring, then at first seemed as it was culminating to a wonderful evening, and a wonderful 5th of the month. but then, somehow, things started falling apart. emotions ran high. cold glares, anger, spitefully snuffed out in the heart. Check my livejournal's private posts. i need to just rant in more detail.

anyways. tomorrow, i mean, later, i'm going back to school. and yes. i am expecting to have a lot of fun! haha. hope to see wang ying. lol. suddenly just miss her. dont know why. she's actually a really nice teacher. but well, she's not teaching anymore, so she's a nice person. as slutty and bimbotic as everyone claims she is, she's still one of the youngest and most understanding teachers i've met. ((: Ms Leong too. wait, there are many teachers actually. lol. right. anyways. tomorrow's the Eve of CNY! and my extended family has done away with tradition, so only celebrating with my family itself and my grandmom. right. so fun.



watched Shinobi:Heart Under Blade, an old movie i think. actually, it was in 2005. okay. lol. but it was really wonderful. the whole plot was quite cool. and it was heart wrenching towards the end. almost cried if not for the fact that i was in town and i had problems with myself. lol. Anyways, the lead actress is AWESOMELY BLISSFULLY PICTURE PERFECT she's SO pretty!! Yukie Nakama. yeah. thats her name. lol. anyways.

sighs. i think i shall end off here. been a pretty tiresome day. i apologise to all the people i've inevitably or unintentionally hurt in the course of my mood swing ever so recently. I am truly apologetic and i hope that grudges be let free, and friendships get rekindled.

till then.
Love.